I had a bit of a revelation earlier, as far as I can tell from all the people I can think of, you are by far the most qualified(Yes- you’re qualified in this matter as far as I’m concerned. You’ve proved yourself to me time and time again, even if this is just a hobby and a game for you, your manner of existence is what I consider to be perfection. You might not know everything but you have a response for pretty much anything someone can fling at you. I wish I could achieve such contentedness with my place in the universe) to answer my problem. Is it a problem? I don’t know. Maybe you can tell me.

I realized, that I don’t believe in creationism, because science disproves it. Of course, this doesn’t just limit the bible, if it did, this would be a fuck of a lot simpler for me, and I could use my powers of intelligence in other fields to justify my refusal to believe in creationism.

My issue here, is that those who believe in creationism, are at some length, lead by a vein of ignorance. From the biggest hick in the deep south of the USA to my sister who so blindly believes in the bible (though her evident intellectual capabilities should help her to see outside the book she pours her existence into), there is some ignorance guiding them towards this belief.

But I’m just as ignorant for using science not to believe any of it. I don’t understand science. I’m a language person. Throw law, philosophy, literature, critical literacy at me, I’ll eat that shit up like a black hole- but not science. Not math. I can’t do it. I don’t understand even the most fundamental things. Sure, I know that Two parts hydrogen to one part oxygen is water, but what does that *mean*? I know that atoms exist, but I’ve got about as much tangible proof of that as I do of creationism. I know that the Sun is billions of kilometres away, but I can’t measure it. There is so much about science that I can’t see any tangible proof of. It just IS, and to question it is silly. Just like the way some people say “God just IS.”

People give all this scientific evidence that creationism is a load of shit, I take for granted that what they’re saying is true. I don’t even understand what they’re saying, but it’s science- so it must be true, right?

But if I could understand it, I’m sure if I’m bright enough to question my own ignorance through the belief of science, I would test sufficiently to see that yes- it is truth. But I don’t know science. I can’t understand a word of it, and it makes my head spin, just like politics make some people’s heads spin, or social situations make some people’s heads spin. I’m ignorant of science, yet faithful sheep to the Truth, I will follow. Because it is the truth. Great scientists, in perspective, are no different to preachers. They say what they believe, through their respective methods of inquiry, to be the truth.

So my problem here is that while I sneer at my sister who believes Jesus laid himself on the cross for *her* sins so readily it makes me want to either a) throw up or b) laugh at her for her inability to question something so ridiculous in modern life.

But I’m just as much a blind sheep for accepting that science is truth, am I not?

It’s doing my fucking head in.

Oh really? It’s doing your head in? Well, Mr. Concern Troll, maybe I should just let science keep fucking you in the ear.

Please refrain from using the priest analogy with scientists. Saying that great scientists are no different to preachers only demonstrates your ignorance to the methods of scientific inquiry.

In fact, all you’ve managed to do here is repeatedly demonstrate your ignorance. We get it. You’re stupid. Too stupid to understand all those big scary numbers and complicated equations, and therefore anything beyond the very limited scope of your comprehension must be somehow magical and therefore accepted on faith. You asshole.

Faith is a blind belief that doesn’t rest on logical proof or material evidence. Guess what? Science is all about logical proof and material evidence. Just because you’re too dumb and/or lazy to tackle the available evidence doesn’t make it any less evident.

Even at the bleeding edge of theory, science is a rigorous practice that demands testability for its hypotheses. None of it “just is.” It takes religion to make ridiculous shit up about the world and then claim that it’s revealed and unalterable knowledge from a supreme being.

Listen up, if you’re a blind sheep, it’s not because you accept any particular truth based on evidence, faith, or any combination thereof. You’re blind because your eyes are closed. You’re a sheep because your instinct is to herd and follow.

Open your fucking eyes and make your own way. Think for yourself. Ultimately, all this science versus religion bullshit boils down to an argument between rational versus irrational.

As long as you never stop learning new things and never surrender your rational mind, I really don’t care what you end up believing, because whether you like it or not, at the end of the day, it’s all fucking science. All of it.

I have been in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years now. We love each other very much. But recently, I have fallen for another man. My boyfriend and I are exclusive, but my curiosity for the second guy is eating me alive. How can I tell my boyfriend I don’t want to be exclusive anymore?

Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend, but I want the second guy, too… I’m a mess. Advice?

Yep. You’re a mess.

This is the problem with traditional monogamy. It doesn’t allow for shit like this, and folks always end up painfully surprised at its inevitability. Most people in your position only see three options: an affair, a breakup, or just sticking it out with your boyfriend. It’s a brave soul who considers having her cake and eating it too. Why not openly have both men?

Well, in your case, it’s because you’ve already established the monogamous and exclusive terms of your relationship, and getting what you want amounts to a renegotiation of the contract. That shit is tricky, especially since you’ll be doing it with another dude already waiting in the wings.

Obviously, if you even tried broaching this topic with your boyfriend, you would have to be willing to extend to him the same open terms. Fair is fair, and what’s good for you is good for him. Are you prepared for that? Even in a best case scenario, he’s gonna be fucking other people too. Are you ready for that?

Again, that’s a best case scenario. Most likely, your boyfriend won’t even be able to process that you’re asking him to share you with another guy. Unless he’s incredibly open-minded and has already had some experience with open relationships, I seriously doubt he’ll stick around to see how it all turns out.

What I’m saying here is that you’re in a tough spot. I respect that you want to handle this with integrity, that you don’t want to just go have an affair. Still, this kind of maneuver ain’t for beginners, and it requires a high degree of emotional maturity from all parties involved for it not to break up the relationship.

Tell you what, read this book, and then make an educated decision.

Good luck. You’re gonna need it.

I’m a freshman in college studying psychology—my goal in life is to be a sex therapist.

I’m a sexually-active, sexually-diverse person who just so happens to have vested a personal interest in the study thereof, as well.

Help me prove to a cunt of a classmate that it’s a viable field of psychological and therapeutic study, and not solely a senseless surrender to primal instinct. He says I’m ruled by my urges, and need to ‘grow up.’

What the fuck do I say to slam his antiquated morals on sex/morality back down his throat? Thanks.

Babe, you don’t have to say anything. You’re the one having all the fun. You’re the one studying what you love. Why are you letting him get under your skin?

Quite frankly, his opinion that sex therapy is a senseless surrender to primal instinct says a hell of a lot more about him than it does your chosen field of study. Believe me, he’s terrified of you and your “urges,” and he’s just parroting one of his uptight parents when he tells you to “grow up.”

You wanna be a sex therapist? Start recognizing when a kid has issues. You’ve got nothing to prove to him. There’s no need to slam him, and if anything, you should pity him.

Is happiness a choice? I and our friends were having a debate over this, and I mean a British Parliamentary format debate, two of my friends take the stand that it’s a realization rather than a choice. What do you think? Thankyou!

Did you limit the scope of choice? Otherwise, anything other than a choice (such as a realization) is arrived at by choice, and this becomes a semantic argument reductio ad infinitum.

It sounds like what you guys were really debating was whether one’s emotional state is ultimately controlled by the conscious or the unconscious mind, where the emotional state is happiness, the conscious mind is represented by choice, and the unconscious mind is represented by realization.

Regardless of the framing, I do believe that happiness is a choice to the extent that we have neurophysiological free will, and a realization is just as legitimate a manifestation of that choice as any other mechanism of the mind.

I fantasize about watching my boyfriend fuck his ex. He used to cheat on me with his ex all the time. Why am I aroused by something that is painful for me?

Okay, you’re not fantasizing about your boyfriend fucking his ex. You’re fantasizing about watching them fuck. That’s a key distinction. This is still very much a sexual fantasy about you and your boyfriend, but it’s about humiliation.

Instead of getting off to the thought of having sex with your boyfriend, you’re getting off to the thought of being sexually humiliated by your boyfriend. His ex is only important in the fantasy to the extent that she is semiotically charged and represents that sexual humiliation.

Don’t freak out about this. Humiliation is a pretty common fantasy. There’s even a term for a woman who gets off on being humiliated by her boyfriend having sex with other women: a cuckquean. Please understand, I’m not name-calling here. If that’s your thing, cool. I’m guessing at this point, you’re still trying to figure it all out. That’s fine.

I will say this though, the fantasy is undoubtedly your unconscious mind continuing to process the emotional pain of your boyfriend’s infidelity. Even though you may have outwardly forgiven him, you’re not over it yet, and the fantasy represents some sort of defense mechanism at work.

Here’s a superior idea: the term is “closed minded,” not “close minded.”

Indeed it is. You convinced me. I embraced it. Thanks for that.

don’t you ever think that you’re close minded? not that i don’t love you, but you have some really, shall we say, ‘steadfast’ opinions on a lot of shit.

Steadfast? You can go ahead and call me a stubborn bitch. I don’t mind.

Being open to inferior ideas makes you weak minded, not open minded. Being able to recognize inferior ideas makes you strong minded, not closed minded. And for the record, an idea’s inferiority isn’t necessarily an opinion, certainly not in the way you’re using the word.

I’m not closed minded, because if you bring me a superior idea, I’ll embrace it. Seriously, bring it. Convince me. I’m open to all comers.

For Christmas, I told my mom I wanted “All the Devils Are Here.” She wants the George Bush biography. I drank a bottle of wine trying to keep quiet so I don’t spoil thanksgiving by bitching about politics. I may have let a comment slip along the lines of, “you want to learn the inner-workings of bush’s mind? buy a blank spiral notebook” and I’m pretty sure I called him a war criminal. My mom doesn’t understand why or how anyone could see him this way. I know I should have just shut up and let her ask for her damn book, but I feel over the past few years democrats have been far too passive and allowed the less-enlightened masses to believe whatever garbage sarah palin and the other idiots spew on fox news and reality tv.

I’ve already broken her heart by telling her I don’t want children and plan to move even further away than I have. Should I just bite my tongue and get more drunk?

I hate the holidays…

You had me right up until that last line. Why ya’ gotta hate?

Fuck, dude. You think you’ve got it Republican during the holidays? My folks have neighbors who could get George’s piece of shit book personally signed for your mom, and if I asked nicely, probably in her choice of crayon. Fox News is on twenty-four seven up in this bitch, and I still manage to have an absolute blast with my family.

You wanna know my secret? It’s easy. I know better than to feel responsible for the political opinions of my parents. They think differently than me, and I’m okay with it. I refuse to pit my family in a struggle of enlightenment versus ignorance.

They are who they are, and I love them unconditionally. I accept them unconditionally, because no matter what, they will always be my family.

Opinions come and go, and just because your mom has some shitty ones, you shouldn’t let it get in the way of the time you spend together.

I know it’s hard. Shit can drive you crazy sometimes, but you really have to see past the knee-jerk politics and recognize that the source of your response is purely emotional and entirely negative.

You are defending a position that you think is rational and right. Nope. If that were the case, you could do it calmly, without booze. It’s not that you’re wrong, and it’s not that on some level you’ve used reason, but whatever rationality your argument may have is subjugated by very heated emotion.

Next time you start bitching, take a step back and feel yourself reacting. Notice how it’s not coming from your rational mind. There’s inevitably a lot more going on, and whatever underlying anger you’re feeling is tied up in the fact that you’re dealing with family.

That’s the shit you gotta let go. It’s wasted emotion. It’s unprocessed negativity that you’re misdirecting into a regurgitated political sound bite. Fuck that shit. It serves no purpose other than to create more negativity.

This isn’t about you being right or wrong, either. Who gives a fuck? This is about you being in control of your own emotional state. You’re not. Instead, you’re getting hammered and mouthing off.

Listen, when it’s really important, you gotta do what you gotta do. Over the years, I’ve reversed my family’s position on gay marriage. I’ve talked them into being pro-choice. I’ve even managed to convince my mom that Sarah Palin is duplicitous and unqualified.

Where it counts and when it counts, I take the time to elevate the conversation above knee-jerk political talking-point bullshit and really change their minds, but you know what? Those conversations aren’t political. They’re philosophical, and I still know damn well that they’ll never vote anything other than Republican.

Also, that shit takes concerted effort and energy, so unless I’m willing to go the extra mile, I have a strict personal rule not to talk sex, religion, or politics around my family. I urge you to do the same. Ninety-nine percent of the time, you gotta let that shit go.

Quit feeling responsible for your mom’s opinions. Just enjoy her company.

Quoting your fun sized advice: “A man would also understand what it really means to settle.” I’m a man and I don’t know what you’re talking about, so what does it mean to settle, or should I ask a real man?

It’s a play on words, chief. Settling has both negative and positive cultural connotations within its various phrasings.

Too often, people with prince charming disease get freaked out about “settling down,” and they use the phrase “to settle for” when they should use the phrase “to settle into.”

In other words, both men and women who expect romantic perfection are terrified about becoming established in a relationship, and they confuse the notion of being satisfied with less with merely being satisfied.

what is the appropriate and tactful reply when a friend wants to know what you think of their band and they’re really not your thing?  i’m not the arbiter of all that’s cool and hip and i’m not aiming for “constructive criticism”, just a polite and encouraging response.  thanks.

Actually, your self deprecating remark is already a good place to start. Just add a noncommittal thumbs up, and you’re good to go.

Try something like, “I’m not the arbiter of all that’s cool and hip, but I think you guys have a really unique sound, and it’s clear you have a lot of passion.”

That should do it. It’s polite and encouraging, but it doesn’t mean a fucking thing.

If he keeps squeezing you for approval to the point where it gets annoying, it’s not at all rude to go ahead and let him know that you’re not really into them.

You’d actually be doing him a favor. Sometimes you just gotta train emotionally needy artists not to beg for validation.