On a lesson for the smart girl.

I’m a high schooler with a bit of of a reputation around the block. I try to keep it on the low, because I’m also one of the girls who whips out her copy of the Constitution for quizzing the teacher (I know, everyone hates that girl) and I really only go for guys who I can talk to about P.G. Wodehouse.

An acquaintance of mine who, although is not very pretty, has had a couple of boyfriends, mostly long distance or other schools. She is also extremely naive and doesn’t understand much about the sexual process. A couple of days ago, she asked me to teach her how to give “head and hand”. We’re not friends (she’s incredibly annoying) but I see her almost every day. I don’t know if this is something I should be teaching her or if I should help out a girl in need. What do you think I should do?

What the fuck?

First of all, a high school girl who only goes for guys that can talk P.G. Wodehouse is essentially branding herself a fag hag without the usual mess of befriending the musical theater crowd. I suppose having a butler fetish is a step up from every other retarded teenager’s vampire fetish, but please don’t go name-dropping authors around people with actual degrees in literature.

Second of all — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — put down the British novels and pick up this month’s Cosmo. That is your punishment for referring to “the sexual process.” We get it. You’re the smart girl. That’s no excuse for being creepy.

Finally, when someone who isn’t your friend and who you find incredibly annoying asks for inappropriate sexual favors, what do we say? That’s right. We tell them to fuck off.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *