Advice

On a much needed laugh

I’ve had two dreams with you already. In each, you’ve always been this ridiculously classy woman with a funky edge and a terrifyingly cool attitude. In the first I had apparently landed a sick internship at People’s Revolution, and you were driving me there in a red range rover looking all amazing & shit then its all blank don’t remember much. On to the next. In this one you were rocking that playsuit you got for valentines day on some hotel roof top pool and you were trying to save a beat up black girl from these 8 foot giant Jennifer Lopez sex robots. You were pulling off some serious acrobatic stunts, shooting those bitches down with two gold dessert eagles while strutting some seriously dangerous 6 inch heels. ¬†Then these aliens came in dropping grenades and you were like “You Cunts better be ready for some intergalatic fuckery.” You then preceded to undress yourself and your Vagina then shot them down with this massive laser thingy. Damn. I don’t know who you are, or how you pull off being so fucking rad, but even in my dreams your the coolest Mother Fucker EVER. Gay men need women like you in their lives. Much Love ! CQ

I’ve had an incredibly difficult week.

My brain is melted, I’ve lost my tan, and I need to get fucked worse than a short bus full of Catholic schoolgirls on ecstasy.

Anyways, I finally took my head out of my ass long enough to unscrew the top off the nearest bottle of wine, and I started reading over my latest submissions. That’s when I came across this hilariousness and nearly spat two buck chuck all over my computer screen. Intergalactic fuckery, indeed.

Thank you for making me laugh out loud, you silly homo.

Love, peace, and bacon grease. – CT

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