Best-Of Advice

On after he beats you

I’m currently sitting here feeling like I got hit by a truck, with bruises all over my body. This is not the first time my fiance has physically abused me, and I am sure it will not be the last. It is however, the worst. This time it was because I wanted to do something that he didn’t want me to, because of his insecurities. I know that he does this as a power play, because he loves the manipulation. But I think he really wants to get help this time. Who should he turn to? Am I a gullible idiot?

1. If he is with you now, simply get up and leave without saying another word to him. Go to a safe place with friends or family who support you. If that’s not possible, look online and find the nearest battered women’s shelter or police station and go there. The point is to get away from him right now. Do this immediately.

2. Once you are in a safe place, call the police. Do this tonight. Do not wait until tomorrow.

3. Have them fill out a report, provide them with the pictures of your bruises, and tell them you want to press charges. Have your ex-fiancé arrested, and do not help him post bail or accept any phone calls from him.

4. That’s right. Ex-fiancé. Make a commitment to yourself right now that you will never marry a man who beats you. It doesn’t matter that you love him. It doesn’t matter that he loves you. The only thing that matters is that you break this fucking cycle of abuse by finally getting out of this relationship.

5. Do not make one more excuse. Especially for him. Do not make this about him or what he needs. This is about you and what you need. Fuck him, and fuck who he should turn to. If he wants to get help, fine. Let him get help on his own goddamn time. Let him get help after you’ve taken out an order of protection against him. Let him get help when he’s facing a domestic violence conviction. Or not, because fuck him.

6. Move on with your life. As impossible as it seems right now, you can get past this. You do not need him. You deserve better than this, and I promise that if you start taking these steps, your life will improve.

7. This is not an overreaction. Everything I just said needs to happen, and you need to take action immediately. Go back to step one and read this again until you’ve summoned the strength to actually do it.


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