I was talking to a friend about why I cut an “alcoholic prick” out of my life. She responded that it was unfair of me to call him a “prick” because he is an alcoholic and alcoholism is an illness and he’s had a really rough life. She said I was being moralistic about an illness.
I was really irritated by her comments – I found them really moralistic, actually. I know those things, and I wasn’t making like, a commentary on alcoholism. And I also know that this person has consistently been an inconsiderate prick to me – and I don’t mean just being non-committal, frustrating, inconsiderate, etc. I mean some level where I’ve cleaned up for him, been shouted at by strangers for his behavior, felt like his human trash can, etc. I’ve come to think he’s not just an alcoholic, but that he’s an alcoholic AND an entitled prick.
But my mind still goes around and around and I do have guilt and questions – and my friend’s comments upset me. I’m not sure how to frame my question to you. But I’d like your broad thoughts.
If your friend thinks it’s unfair to characterize this guy as a prick because he’s also an alcoholic, then she doesn’t understand the disease model of addiction.
Yes, alcoholism can be considered a disease. That’s one way of looking at it, but alcoholism in no way excuses a person’s shitty behavior. Neither does having had a really rough life.
A prick is a prick. This guy sure sounds like a one. It’s okay for you to say it, and it’s okay for you to cut him out of your life. Quit feeling guilty about finally not being a doormat. While you’re at it, tell your friend that if she’s not gonna be supportive, then she should shut the fuck up.