I’ve been with this guy for 4 1/2 years. Lately his heavy drinking has turned into a drinking problem, mostly to self medicate anxiety attacks. So now I have a man who’s put on 30lbs, a drunken ass, decreased sex drive and won’t let us talk about any of it. For the first time in our relationship there’s shit that’s taboo to talk about, I have to walk on eggshells and can’t find a good way to tell him get a therapist where he doesn’t see it as an attack. I’m not an ultimatum type of person, but this might be my breaking point and when I boil it down it keeps coming back to “fix it or I’m out”. Help me Coke, what is the right way to have this conversation?
Yeah, it’s intervention time. You can decide whether or not to involve his family (probably not if this is primarily a relationship issue), but it’s up to you to find a relationship therapist or an addiction specialist who can guide you through an intervention process that will address your boyfriend’s drinking problem and underlying PTSD symptoms.
This may come down to a “fix it or I’m out” ultimatum, but if you give it as part of an intervention, it’s much more likely to yield positive results, and if you do end up leaving him, at least you’ll have the comfort of knowing you did everything you could to save the relationship.