Last night, my girlfriend came over and dumped me. Her rationale was that she doesn’t feel like she can be the partner she wants to be because she still needs to figure herself out and “needs to be selfish” for awhile. Caught me off-guard for sure, but I get it. She’s entering that quarter-life crisis mode. I’m sad and kind of holding out hope that we can try it again down the road a bit once she gains some perspective. Am I naive? Is it a done deal?
Yes, it’s a done deal, and no, you’re not naive. It’s a natural inclination to hold out hope as a defense mechanism against emotional pain, but that just delays the inevitable.
Deal with your pain in one lump sum. Don’t take a mortgage out on it. Holding out hope that you can try it again down the road will only poison your ability to move on, and in the meantime, you’ll stumble through an awkward phase of rebound dating that will only make things worse.
You’re the one who needs to gain some perspective. Step back and see your relationship as a whole. It had a beginning, middle, and now it’s had its end. That’s okay. All things do.
Allow yourself to feel sad for a little while, learn from it, and then move on completely.