Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice.

Why cant I have my cake and eat it too?

i fell in love with someone on tumblr what should i do?
Tumble on.

So as of right now, are you the White Swan, Black Swan, or Dying Swan?
It’s an inseparable trinity. I’m all three. Always have been, always will be.

Who taught you your party tricks? I was reading your blog and passed the post on how to insert ecstasy in a friend’s anus—I’m kind of amazed.
Yeah, well. I’m kind of amazing. Doctors, lawyers, and candidates for high political office all taught me my party tricks. I learned the best of the worst from the worst of the best.

Negotiating an open relationship because your partner is a mediocre lover – coping or cop out?
It’s coping if you’re honest with him about why you’re not satisfied, otherwise it’s copping out.

The second I am done “hooking up” with a girl I immediately find her unattractive, its awful because I would like a meaningful relationship but once something sexual happens I am no longer able to view her in a romantic way… what is wrong with me?!?!
You hate yourself.

How do you respond to a new ager at a coffee shop that makes fun of you for being “too wired?”
Too much coffee? Too many peripherals? I dunno, throw your scalding hot mocha latte in his face and then choke him out with a firewire cable.

Is it ever advisable to just say to a guy “DO YOU LIKE ME? SERIOUSLY WHAT IS GOING ON?”
Yeah. Write it on a note, add a check box for yes or no, and then pass it to him during study hall.

Should I be bothered that my boyfriend bought his friends and co-workers christmas gifts, but not me?
Fuck should. It bothers you or it doesn’t. Don’t ask me to tell you how you feel.

“If you say that the history of the Church is a long succession of scandals, you are telling the truth, though if that is all you say, you are distorting the truth.” – Gerald Vann
“Whatever, dude. I’m gonna go blow a rail off a drummer’s cock while you sit there with something to prove.” – Coke Talk


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