Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice.

Juilan Assange or Sarah Palin?
Cake or Death?

Scotland or England?

London, but only if we fly Virgin Atlantic, and if it’s August, I’m totally down for a trip up to Edinburgh for a few days of fringe.

Is there really any reason to get married?

Kids are a pretty good reason, and marriage provides for some ready-made estate planning if you’re too lazy, poor, or stupid to use lawyers. I dunno. I suppose there are plenty of reasons, but if you’re asking how many aren’t desperate anachronisms, the list gets pretty short.

Intellectual property is a tool of the creative mind or the corporate giant?
Intellectual property is a product of the creative mind and a construct of the corporate giant.

How do I find creative fulfillment?
In the present moment.

Enough about everybody else. I want to hear what’s happening in your life. Anything exciting? How’s that long-distance boyfriend of yours?
Really? Really? As if this shit doesn’t happen enough when catching up with old friends, I gotta get cunt punched from strangers on the internet now too? Ugh. Feel free to catch up on my blog after you get your foot out of your mouth.

Theoretically, what song would be played at your funeral?
For the Widows In Paradise, for the Fatherless In Ypsilanti

Do you believe in ghosts?

don’t you think britney will sue you for using her image?

Oh please, did Marilyn sue Warhol?

do you swear the anonymity goes both ways here? or are you actually tracking us somehow then looking us up on facebook and feeling superior?

Wow. Paranoia, narcissism, and self-loathing all in the same breath. You’re ready to start dating in Hollywood, babe.

So you’re brilliant. So it’s part of your personality to be brilliant. But do you find that your faucet knobs turn a bit more when you’re under the influence?
Yes, but I have no idea whether it’s hot or cold.

what do you do when you tell a secret you weren’t supposed to?
Damage control.

why does being in love feel so much like nausea?
Because you have an enteric nervous system.

Why is it seemingly impossible for me to quit smoking, exercise, drink less alcohol, and eat less food? What is my goddamn problem?
You’re lazy and you lack discipline.

What are your thoughts on the old adage: “if you’re young and you’re not a liberal/democrat you have no heart; if you’re old and you’re not a conservative/republican you have no brain?”
It’s a backhanded compliment old conservatives give to young liberals, because it correlates liberal politics with the folly of youth. It’s condescension disguised as a little nugget of folksy wisdom.

What would you say if you saw Natalie ‘I run LA bitch’ from Bad Girls Club out and about?

First of all, I had to Google that bitch. Second of all, wuuut? Third of all, it would never happen, but hypothetically, if I was kidnapped, chloroformed, and woke up on the rooftop at Kress during hoochie-mama ghetto night, it’s possible that we could cross paths as I staggered to the nearest emergency exit, though in my woozy condition, I’d probably just mistake her for Scottie Pippen in drag.

Would you join Julian Assange and 2 swedish blondes for an awesome night of sex and candy IF you had to reveal him your real identity?
Are you kidding me? Look at this GQ motherfucker. I would happily reveal my secret identity to the founder of WikiLeaks. The irony would be almost as delicious as the Eyes Wide Shut style debauchery that would ensue.


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