Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice

What does fun sized mean?
Smaller than the regular size. (Originally a reference to Halloween candy.)

What were you like as a teenager?
Fun sized.

What do you wear to a foam party? I’m a girl…

I picture you looking like Brody Dalle. Am I even close?
Whatever gets you off.

Why do you think scientology is so popular with celebrities?
Location, location, location.

What do you think about crazy Lohan?
She’s a good soul born to monsters and poisoned by fame.

Sex on ketamine?
A kitty party? Fuck yes. Dangerous, though.

Will you be my life coach?
Sure, if you can afford me.

I need followers.
No you don’t.

Do your peers know about this successful blog?
Nope. Only a tiny handful of my closest friends.

Why do you use the serial comma?
It’s just the way I was raised.

Which in your opinion is better, the east coast or west coast?
East. West. Can’t we both just agree that the middle sucks?
(Just kidding red states.)

blah blah God doesn’t exist blah blah we get it.
can you move on? You’re getting so predictable.
Ten billion web pages out there. Pick another one any time you like, bitch.

Your mom’s a bitch.
That may be, but I fucked your dad.

Humility is not your strong point, is it?
If you were paying any attention at all, you would know my philosophy is built on a foundation of transcendent humility that embraces my utter insignificance in an unimaginably vast universe, but hey, whatever. I get that this is your cunty little way of calling me arrogant. Hope you feel super cool about that.

Would you fuck Banksy?
My instinct isn’t to reward artists with my vagina when I respect their work.

You should start your own political party. I’d rally the fuck out of that shit.

My dream ticket? Jon Stewart for President of the United States, Bill Maher for Governor of California, and Adam Carolla for Mayor of Los Angeles. I have more faith in court jesters than kings.


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