How do I get into acting?
Come out to LA and treat your life like a lottery ticket.

Where do you live?
In the shade on the west side of paradise.

Did your parents love you?
Very, very much.

How do I follow you?
Click here and here.

How can I be like you?
Wait, no. Just following me is fine.

Our periods are in sync!
Okay, now it’s getting creepy.

What’s worse: Marriage or loneliness?
Thinking those are your only two options.

Do men care if they’re real or fake?
Yes.

Should i talk to him even if i don’t want to?
No.

What is your favorite word?
Yes.

How do I get myself to orgasm?
By using that thing between your legs.

Why don’t bangs look good on everyone?
Because there is no justice in the world.

My husband found out I had an affair. What now?
Get a refund from Ashley Madison.

Coke, am I knocked up?
Not if you don’t want to be.

Have you ever thought about suicide?
Not my own, no.

Can we talk about my fucking concerns?
Sure thing. Call me. Oh, wait. You don’t have my number.

Why are your answers so bitchy and rude?
Why are you so thin-skinned?

Is there anything you’re missing in your life?
Obscene wealth and the ability to drive a stick shift. Other than that, I’ve pretty much got it covered.