Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Is it actually possible that a Republican will win?
Of course it’s possible. (Don’t sleep on John Kasich. Watch what happens when people start voting in actual primaries. He’s gonna surge, and he’s dangerously presidential. If he gets the nomination, he’s just bland enough that he might win the whole thing.)

I can’t have kids. Hell, I don’t even like kids. So why did I burst into tears after my pregnant best friend told me I wouldn’t be able to handle it anyway?
Because not being able to have kids makes you feel broken, and your best friend basically just told you that you’re better off that way, which is super fucking insensitive of her.

It’s been about two years since i’ve last been in love or have met someone in whom i was seriously interested. Should I be worried?
Nah, you’re fine. It’s nice to spend a couple years doing your own thing. Besides, couplehood isn’t inherently better than singlehood, and no matter what else happens, the whole “being in love” phase is temporary anyway.

Why is it that every time I think of my dad, I get sad? He’s alive and I see him all the time. Is it because I feel like he’s sad? Because I love him and never tell him I do?
Yes. Congratulations. You just went through six months of therapy in 41 words. Now go tell your dad that you love him.

I’m graduating at the end of this semester. Is it okay to enter into a sexual relationship with my lecturer once I’m no longer a student at the university? I am currently taking a course he teaches. I’m a 22 year-old woman. I have no idea what his age is. Probably late 20s, early 30s.
Sure. It’s a bit of a grey area if you started seeing each other socially while you were still a student, but if the relationship begins entirely after your graduation, it’s fine.

How do I know if my questions really go through?
They do.

Thoughts on the new Star Wars???
Shut up.

Did it take you a long time to get comfortable with the way you look?
I’m not at all comfortable with the way I look. I know I can look hot, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean I’m comfortable. Huge difference.


18 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Perspectivator says:

    To the childless.
    Remember, your friend isn’t just insensitive, she’s probably wrong. Anyone dumb enough to be that tactless isn’t likely to be the best person to make that call. People rise to the occasion of parenting.

    • Perspectivator says:

      Just out of curiosity.
      Are you male and did you join the #notallmen hashtag?
      Maybe you feel #allLivesMatter?

      Kinda doesn’t seem like the time to point that out.

      • hm says:

        I’m not a man, and I’m not a #notall(insertmovementhere) person. I find that shit appalling. I was, however, “raised” by an incapable parent (in actuality, by my grandparents,) and can attest to people often not arising to the occasion.

        My assertion is more that the blanket statement that people rise to the occasion of parenting is essentially untrue. Occasionally, a person gets their shit together when they have a kid. Mostly though, they’re the same fuck up they were before and now have a child to take care of.

        I get that you’re trying to be condecending, but those two things are unrelated other than the fact that I was being vaguely adversarial to a blanket statement. As far as I know, parents aren’t a group of systematically oppressed people. Could be wrong.

      • Nina says:

        HM is absolutely right. Notice how the LW’s best friend grew up into a stupid shit, which shows her parents didn’t rise to the occasion either.

  2. Zhana says:

    Ha, that last one really surprised me. Does it mean you’re not completely content with the way you look, or that being good-looking is not a guarantee for feeling content with one’s looks?

  3. Zhana says:

    Do you have any advice on how not to let feelings like that influence one’s behavior? I’m certain that reading you for many years has (directly or indirectly) increased my confidence in my looks, but I wish I could get completely over it.

    • Nina says:

      To add my 2 cents, raising my confidence level overall has helped me become comfortable with the way I look. I’ve been in therapy for the past few years dealing with anxiety. That did it, plus being able to take better care of myself, and finally solving a lot of my problems and accomplishing some of my goals.

    • Inanna says:

      By now I know I will never be 100% satisfied with my looks and my body, I will never find myself to be gorgeous, but I have learned that both not being overly attractive and being concerned about not being overly attractive are very small battles. Indulging in some vanity now and then is not a gateway into vapidness and self loathing, and not loving some aspects of my body is just natural because my body (like all bodies) can do stupid shit some times and look wonky and malfunction and be boring and whatever. That’s natural, and wanting to go beyond perfection is natural, I just don’t let it become destructive.

  4. gauzy says:

    If it’s any consolation, your best friend probably didn’t mean what she said, and she probably doesn’t even understand parenting well enough yet to have made a call like that anyway. I’m no Coquettish bloodhound when it comes to sniffing out ulterior motives, but it sounds to me like she wants you to be jealous. She knows you can’t have kids and she thinks that the fact that she’s having one should be sending you on a downward spiral, but it’s not. Because you don’t give a fuck. So she said some nasty shit to try and stir those feelings out of you.

    • fouxdefafa says:

      Possibly, especially if the friend feels judged (imagined or not) for having kids by her not generally kid-friendly BFF. Definitely a shitty thing to say no matter what.

  5. coffeespell says:

    I’m the one who wrote in saying my dad is sad/it makes me sad when I think about him. I believe I followed this advice and it probably helped for a moment, but long-term, I did need to start therapy to understand my family dynamic better. My dad has a world of issues, but I still love him, and we work things out. None of his malice comes from a bad place; he’s just confused and upset and very emotional. I also don’t think it’s my job to help him feel better, only to check in and let him know I care.

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