When you talk about love, I feel like it’ll never be possible for me. What’s wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you, but you should ask yourself one question: Why do you feel like love will never be possible? When you can clearly answer why, write it down. Pin it up on the wall and stare at it. That answer is not you. That answer is your enemy. That answer and all of its triggers and sources are everything you should rail against and reject. Now pull that answer down off your wall and light it on fire. Fuck that shit.
I have daddy issues. He has mommy issues. How do we capitalize on this kinky shit without forging a disturbing codependency?
Your use of “kinky” implies that the daddy/mommy thing is playing out in your sex lives. If that’s all it is, you two are fine. (Well suited for one another, actually.) If it’s more than just kink, and your respective parental issues are about enmeshment, then codependency might become a problem. Just watch out for unhealthy patterns of behavior that you recognize from your respective families, and if you catch yourselves becoming your parents, maybe jump into a little couples counseling before things get out of hand.
Does “nice guy with an edge” exist? Where do I find him?
Don’t look for a nice guy. Look for a good man. And what the fuck is an edge? Seriously. Do you want him to ride motorcycles? Do you want him to slap you around a little in bed? Do you want him to be an unpredictable asshole because you’re bored easily and crave chaos? Shit, I don’t know what you’re into. Figure yourself out first and then come at me with something other than a meaningless cliché.
With all this talk of cities, may I ask what you think of Montreal? And what do you think it would take to make a move from Chicago to Montreal not a completely stupid idea?
Okay, first of all, why would you move to a French speaking city that isn’t Paris? Second of all, why would you leave Chicago for a place where the weather is even shittier? Third of all, if you’re gonna move to Canada, why wouldn’t you live in either Toronto or Vancouver? I mean, Montreal? Okay. You must have your reasons, but I don’t know what you want me to tell you.
Was I more lovable when I was skinny?
No, no, no. Stop thinking like that. The moment you equate your conformity to conventional beauty standards with your worthiness of love, you are well and truly fucked.
If you were out hunting and your shot happened to accidentally and unfortunately hit somebody in the face, who would you rather have as the recipient: Dick Cheney or Karl Rove?
Cheney. That’s not even a hard question.
I’m not a fan of republicans and I don’t like Jeb Bush, so why do I feel sorry for him?
Because he’s a sad little goober, and you’re very empathetic.
Bernie or Hillary? Why?
Because the alternatives are Trump or Cruz.
wait so *are* you advocating voting for hillary to keep a republican out of the white house? please go on.
Of course I am. I’m voting for Bernie in the primaries, but I’m happy to vote for Hillary in the general if/when she gets the nomination. It’s not just to keep a Republican out of the White House. Hillary is more qualified to be an American President than any other candidate in this entire election cycle. I like Bernie’s ideas better, but Hillary is a fucking boss. She would do an amazing job.