I keep getting this fleeting empty feeling inside my chest. I’m not even sure if it’s emptiness or dread. It feels like when a coke comedown hits although I haven’t done hard drugs in years. It lasts a few seconds each time and it’s happening more frequently. What is going on with me?
That’s what’s known as a limited symptom panic attack, but since technically you’re describing mild chest pain with increasing frequency, I’m supposed to tell you to go see your doctor. If you do, make the trip worthwhile and ask for some Xanax.
Sex is disappointing. I am still attracted to him. What now?
The term “disappointing” is vague, but it implies room for improvement and a willingness on your part to give out gold stars. If you’re into him and you’ve got the patience, then you know what they say. Practice makes perfect.
Can someone have a legitimate relationship with a person whose identity they fetishize? (Legitimate in this circumstance is defined as loving, long term, and egalitarian.)
Sure. I know plenty of Jewish guys in loving, long-term, and egalitarian relationships with Asian girls.
Why does him not wanting to fuck me anymore hurt even though I’m in love with someone else?
Because even when it’s appropriate, rejection is still rejection.
He’s an arrogant, asshole, condescending lawyer, but I’m so into him. Why am I so into him?
Because you haven’t learned your lesson. (Yet.)
Are all talented artists insecure, hypocritical, high-maintenance and generally toxic? Or is it just that I’ve been exposed to an unfortunate select few who were actually human garbage?
I mean, not all of them are, but yeah, you’ve stumbled into reliable territory with your characterization.
Supreme Court nominees aside, don’t you think Cruz would be marginally better in terms of how other countries view America?
Set the balance of the Supreme Court aside because you’re concerned how other countries might view America? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s like setting aside the cure for cancer because you’re concerned what other people might think if your hair falls out.
It doesn’t bother you that Megan Kelly is racist?
Dude, she’s a Fox News anchor. I don’t wanna date the woman. The fantasy was a hot older lesbian hate fuck. The fact that she’s racist kinda makes it hotter.
Why do people care so much about your age?
People want to know my age so they can triangulate my wisdom.
I miss your long-format personal writing. Please tell me something good.