Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Do you think Beyonce & Jay-Z have a monogamous marriage?
I don’t think it’s any of our motherfucking business.

Why do I scare guys I like away, and attract the ones I don’t?
That’s just your confirmation bias talking.

Why is it so fucking hard to lose those last 10 pounds?
Because the law of diminishing returns is a real thing.

The moment’s passed, obviously, but any advice as to what to do when I’m blowing a guy (on and off again bf), I look up and he’s checking his fucking phone, mid-fellatio?
If you’re just trying to get him off, feel free to immediately end the blowjob. If there’s something in it for you (like you’re getting him hard enough to fuck, or you simply enjoy sucking dick) then it’s up to you whether to give a shit. In my experience, it’s better to find that kind of thing funny rather than insulting.

To be a lawyer, do you think one should completely be abiding of the law? I get the feeling the answer’s already ‘no’, but I just don’t have any grasp of how to explain why.
No one can nor should be completely abiding of the law. If you want a better grasp on explaining why, first learn the fundamental differences between the concepts of morality, ethics, justice, and the law.

What age or when should I stop fighting wrinkles?
That’s entirely up to you, but there’s a difference between fighting wrinkles and taking care of your skin. Taking care of your skin is something you do for your own personal good health and well being. Fighting wrinkles is something you do in furtherance of ageist, patriarchal beauty standards. The regimens may be identical, but the underlying rationale makes all the difference in the world.

Thoughts on the end of Californication? You were an early fan. Have you stuck with it to the end or did you give up a couple seasons back when it got really bad?
I stuck with it, but it was awful. I was glad to see it end. Hank Moody deserved better than to become a boring clown surrounded by misogynistic cartoons.

What does your dream wedding dress look like?
The one Stephanie Seymour wore in the November Rain video. (That’s not so much a dream wedding dress as it is a “sex dream” wedding dress.)

What’s the best insult you’ve ever come up with?
I don’t know about the best, but I’m particularly fond of this one.


3 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Chris says:

    I stuck with Californication, too. The lame product placement (Hank wearing a trendy hat while jogging on the boardwalk; the Snuggie) hurt the middle seasons, but were more a symptom than the sickness.

    The last season had some good laughs (him puking on the guy’s piano after getting punched, the ass-gasm, etc.), but the guy didn’t grow, get funnier, or more talented IMO. The poet-novelist just fell into some more easy money opportunities, and never seemed to write a damn thing.

    In the end, Moody became boring and remained gross, and even as he cleaned himself up, still had no sense of respect for himself or others as shown when Heather Graham walked in on him beginning to give head to some actress, and then tried to give her a kiss.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *