Apatheia, ataraxia, or nirvana?
Fuck nirvana. Marry ataraxia. Kill apatheia.
You have control over anyone’s mind for one hour…who and what do you do?
I can’t answer this question explicitly without risking a visit from either the Secret Service or the FBI, but let’s just say that if I had one hypothetical, magical hour of mind control, then by late January of 2019, Donald Trump would be charged with five counts of murder, President Nancy Pelosi would be nominating three new Supreme Court Justices, and Mitch McConnell wouldn’t be around to get in her way.
Coketalk, everytime I go to my (good) mate’s places I end up in bed cuddling them for a good while. I never let it cross the line into something sexual, but the cuddles are intimate. Is this wrong? Should I stop?
You’re absolutely adorable. Good for you for recognizing that the cuddles are intimate. There’s nothing wrong with physical intimacy between friends, but you need to pay close attention to the ebb and flow of platonic and romantic emotions — both yours and your friend’s — so as to prevent any misunderstandings or potential boundary violations.
Why can’t I stop thinking about how my boyfriend once fucked his roommate?
Because it speaks to his character, and you don’t like what it says.
He has a polyamorous approach to relationships. I don’t, and probably won’t ever be. Am I wrong to ask him not to be poly if he’s with me?
You’re not wrong to ask, but you’re wrong if you think the relationship will last longer than six months.
How do you dirty talk? I can’t take myself seriously and don’t know what to say.
I answered this many years ago, but it bears repeating: Dirty talk consists entirely of describing whatever it is you are doing in the moment. Just narrate the action, but you gotta own that shit. Curl your lip. Say it with brass. Don’t think. Growl.
Are all cops bastards?
No, but the number of cops who aren’t bastards is essentially a rounding error.
Have you ever passed by a stranger in your new city and thought, “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you on tinder.” Or whatever dating app, multiple dating apps you use.
Sure. It happens all the time. Hell, it used to happen in LA. (Then again, I used to do a lot of ecstasy, and that always made people seem familiar to me.)
I am going back to school to get a master’s degree to become a therapist. Should I be alarmed that so many of the other students in my program (also aspiring therapists) believe in “crystals” and talk about their healing properties?
You must be in California. Don’t worry. Those people tend to get weeded out on their way to licensure and end up as yoga instructors or life coaches.
Coke, are you still a raging bitch? I remember you said you’ve moved the party upstairs. You sound more of a calming presence than anything, to be honest.
I’ve always been a calming presence.
You’re a child playing grown up.