On her male friend.

The first woman I’ve had actual feelings for in a very long time—many sex partners between—seems mutually interested in me. Her male best friend who she had me meet after a few dates, or he forced an interview, seems like a closet poof or ball-lessly into her and hasn’t made a move in years. I honestly like this girl and would like to get to know her for a while and maybe form a serious relationship with her. The male best friend seems to be either be emotionally cock-blocking me or wants to keep her as a beard. What do I do? Say fuck it and pull some creepy type 80’s romance shit to tip the scales, walk away or explain what I think they both may not see as the truth?

Huh. So, your options as you see them are to either be a douche, a coward, or a wedge. How about none of the above?

Skip the cheeseball romance. It’s an act. It’s bullshit. You’d be doing it for all the wrong reasons anyway. Don’t walk away either. Running for the hills when you’ve got actual feeling is a recipe for regret. As for the “explain what I think they both may not see as the truth” maneuver, that’s just awkward manipulation that’s bound to blow up in your face. Here, lemme break it down for you.

The sexual orientation of the male best friend is immaterial, and quite frankly, none of your damn business. Regardless of his motives, he perceives you as a threat, and he’s got his eye on you for good reason.

If his motives are pure and he’s just looking out for the best interests of his favorite girl, then he’s gonna make sure you aren’t a douchebag. What you interpret as emotional cock-blocking is either an integrity test or evidence that he’s already deemed you unworthy. If his motives are selfish and he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing, then the emotional cock-blocking is exactly that. Either way, you gain nothing by confronting them and trying to wedge the relationship. If you’re wrong, you lose. If you’re right, you’ve shown your hand, and he easily outflanks you.

Here’s the thing. Just because he perceives you as a threat, that doesn’t mean you have to engage him as one. In fact, that’s the true position of strength. Come at him with legitimate respect.

I know that will be hard for you, because in all honesty, you sound like a bit of an asshole. Trust me though, treating him like a brother will win the day. This is about courtship after all, and part of winning a girl over is making an effort to get to know her friends.

If his motives are pure, your respect will in turn earn his. If his motives are selfish, the respect gives him no ammunition and leaves him toothless.

He’s the friend. You’re the romantic interest. Never forget that. He is no threat to you as long as you don’t treat him as one.

In the meantime, just do your thing. Actually, no. You strike me as the type who’s been kind of a dick in the past. Be good to this girl. Treat her better than the others, okay?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *