Best-Of Advice

On how not to get used

If you don’t want to get used, then be present in the relationship and accept personal responsibility for the decisions you make with your own body. Do that, and he won’t be able to use you. At worst, all he’ll be able to do is lie to you.

Can you just explain that a bit more? I love it, but I’m having a hard time grasping it in those words.

I mean… I understand not letting yourself be used to an extent, but what if you’re not even aware of it? Does that make sense?

Anyway, I’d just like more of an explanation.

Whenever I hear a girl complain of being used by a guy, I instantly lose respect for her. It’s evidence of a victim mentality, one of the most unattractive traits anyone can have.

“He never really liked me,” she’ll whine. “He never really wanted to be with me. All he really wanted me for was sex.”

That kind of shit drives me crazy.

What she’s actually saying is that she entered into an unspoken contract where she would provide him with access to her vagina in exchange for some combination of affectionate attention and emotional security. He then failed to deliver on that unspoken contract, and now she’s pissed.

All I hear is a prostitute complaining that she didn’t get paid, and you know what? Tough shit. If you’re going to be a prostitute, the first rule is always get the money up front.

That’s what this all comes down to, really — girls who don’t know any better because they’re raised to think that sex is a barter currency in their romantic relationships.

Fuck that. If you insist on treating your pussy like a commodity, then you’re an idiot if you trade it for anything but cash.

It’s your body, and it’s your relationship. Do what you want with both, but be adult enough to accept personal responsibility for the decisions you make.

An unspoken contract is no contract at all. A man doesn’t owe you anything for sleeping with you. If he does, accept your role as a prostitute, and recognize that you’re kind of an idiot for expecting payment in affectionate attention and emotional security.

Now, here’s the part that always blows my mind. Some of you reading this right now are saying to yourselves, “I’m no prostitute, but how am I supposed to get affectionate attention and emotional security from a guy without fucking him?”

If that’s you, go sit in the corner. You don’t get to play anymore.

The rest of you probably get my point, even if you think it’s a bit unsavory. It boils down to this: if you don’t want to get used for sex, get the money up front, or don’t expect payment at all.

All I’m saying is that sex shouldn’t be treated like a commodity in traditional romantic relationships. Once you’ve internalized this notion and really put it into practice, then you’ll find it impossible for a man to use you for sex.

He can lie to you. He can deceive you. He can be a total douchebag asshole, but he can never use you.


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