I hate Macklemore. Isn’t a straight white man writing a hip-hop song about gay relationships the definition of exploitative?

Sure, but here’s a thought experiment: How would your opinion of Macklemore change if you knew that he liked to suck big black cock?

Let’s take the thought experiment one step further: Imagine if Macklemore and Ryan Lewis were suddenly outed as this generation’s Milli Vanilli, and it was revealed that “The Heist” was actually a secret collaboration between Frank Ocean and Big Freedia. How would your opinion of the album change?

It’s very easy to hate on Macklemore after all the Grammys the industry threw at him last night. He honestly couldn’t be a bigger, whiter, or straighter target. That’s fine. I totally get why you can’t stand the dude, and I can’t really fault you for your opinion.

He’s just so weirdly polarizing, and that’s why he’s kind of a puzzle to me. As someone who comments on pop culture, I feel obligated to have an opinion on Macklemore, and yet for some reason, I don’t.

All of my friends seem to feel very strongly about him one way or the other, and they all make perfectly valid arguments to back up their pro or anti Macklemore opinions. I hear what everybody has to say, and I hear the music, and all I can do is smile and nod.

It all just passes right through me. Nothing sticks. Even now, as I type these words, I’m trying to give a shit one way or the other about Macklemore, and the most I can muster is a mild disdain for douchebags who try and dress like him in public.

Meh. I guess time will tell. Or not. Whatever.