On marriage and a manwhore.

Dear Coquette,

I’m getting married in the fall. My fiancé and I want a very small wedding, held outside, with a nonreligious ceremony. My parents are livid. I am 25, not 17. Why do they care so much? They are not even that religious!

In their community and amongst their group of friends, your nonreligious wedding ceremony will reflect negatively on their status as good parents. They’re insulted. It doesn’t matter whether privately they aren’t all that religious. You’re embarrassing them publicly, and to put it bluntly, your happiness is less important to them than whatever shame they might feel.

If they’re not chipping in on the cost of the wedding, then they should definitely shut the hell up. Even if they are helping you pay for it, they should still shut the hell up, but it starts to get a little sticky if they think they’ve bought the right to dictate the proceedings.

I’m sorry to say, I’ve seen a lot of this kind of thing happen as friends have gotten married in nontraditional ceremonies. I tend to think of it as yet another example of how notoriously narcissistic Baby Boomers can be when their children challenge their sense of entitlement.

Then again, I would never claim to be free of generational bias. As the kids of Boomers, we can certainly be brats too, but this is one of those times where mom and dad need to suck it up and respect your wishes.

You’re adults. This is your wedding. End of discussion.

My boyfriend has had sex with 53 people before me, and admitted to doing lots of cheating before me. Obviously I care about him and I’m not gonna end things over his past, but I’m kind of worried … Does once a manwhore mean always a manwhore?

I know you won’t take my advice, but I’m gonna give it to you anyway. Break up with this guy immediately. It’s not because he’s a manwhore, nor is it because he’s admitted to past infidelities (although neither of those things bode well for your relationship).

No, the real reason you should break up with him is because he knows (or pretends to know) the exact number of people he’s slept with in the upper double digits. It’s not about him having sex with a lot of people. It’s about the fact that he keeps a running tally.

Trust me on this. Once a dude’s exploits fall outside the realm of easily remembered single digits, keeping a precise set of sexual statistics is more than just a little bit creepy. It’s also a red flag that says he’s got something really unhealthy to prove.

I know staying with him is your mistake to make, but I promise that you’re making one.


3 thoughts on “On marriage and a manwhore.

  1. Bunny says:

    You’ve mentioned on several occasions that it’s creepy to keep track of everyone you’ve slept with, but I can’t imagine not keeping a note of when I had sex, with whom, whether it was protected, and at what point in my cycle. If someone asked nicely I could add it all up give a double digit. Why is that such a bad thing?

  2. Chris says:

    I agree on the running tally. Prior to getting married I’d had a handful of long-ish relationships (1-3 years), and even with the number being low, in a recent discussion about the matter I’d actually forgotten about one of them.

    Why? Because it doesn’t matter. I’m happily married. Had I failed to find my partner by now, the number might be around 10, but I likely wouldn’t remember that exactly.

    Point is, he’s making it a priority. While Coquette is studying the DSM manual and other literature, I’m remembering tax rules and regs while delving into the work of Chuck Palahniuk, someone else is learning about parenting and 401(k) planning, this weirdo is using some method by which he’s keeping track of this stuff.

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