Advice

On mixing friendships and relationships

Up until a month ago, my guy best friend and I (a girl) talked all day, every day – we were best buds. A few weeks ago we stopped talking, and I would ask why, and he would ignore the fact that we haven’t been talking or blame it on being busy. I found out today that he’s been seeing someone. Why would that affect if he can talk to me or not? Why would that affect our friendship?

Yeah, sometimes friends disappear when they fall into new romantic relationships. It’s just one of those things that happens. It sucks, and you can be angry about it, but don’t act like an idiot. He’s getting his emotional needs filled by her now, and there’s a decent chance that she doesn’t want him hanging out with you. It should be obvious how that would affect your friendship.

Try not to take this personally. I know that sounds impossible, but I promise, this isn’t about you. He doesn’t think any less of you, and the new girl doesn’t even know you. This is about the quality of their character, not yours. That’s cold comfort, of course, but it’s important to understand that you aren’t being rejected so much as he’s just being a shitty friend.

 

Hi Coquette. I’m hanging out with my best friend’s ex tomorrow. He’s a cool person and I know nothing will happen because I have a lot of respect for my best friend and my boyfriend (and so does he) but I feel a lot of anxiety because I feel like I’ll have to lie to them about where I’m going and who I’m going with. I’m a shitty liar, especially to the people I love and I’m getting anxiety because I don’t know if hanging out with him will cause either of them to lose some trust in me or make them upset. But I really want to fucking hang out with this cool person. Do I just need to fucking relax? I’m making a big deal over nothing, aren’t I?

Nope. This is a big deal. You’re making a huge mistake, and if you’re not careful it could very easily ruin everyone’s relationship.

If you feel like you have to lie to your best friend and your boyfriend in order to hang out with your best friend’s ex, then you’re already doing something wrong. You damn well know it’s wrong, and the anxiety you’re feeling is you conscience screaming at you that it is all very, very wrong. Listen to your conscience…

It doesn’t matter if nothing happens between you and your best friend’s ex. That’s not the point. The point is you’re betraying your best friend and your boyfriend by not telling them. You are deliberately deceiving them through an act of omission, and there will be consequences when everything comes to light.

You should also take a hard look at whatever shady part of you wants to hang out with your best friend’s ex. It’s not innocent, and you damn well know it. (If it was innocent, you’d have no problem being open with everyone involved.)

 

I want to sleep with my friend’s ex-wife, should I?

Hell no. What kind of moral cripple asks a question like this? Your friend’s exes are off-limits. Everyone knows this. Unless your friend explicitly sets you up with an ex and everyone involved is cool with it, never sleep with a friend’s ex. Even under those rare circumstances, it’s still probably a bad idea.

 

(Nerve)

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2 thoughts on “On mixing friendships and relationships

  1. Hello,
    friendship is so much important rather than relationship.A good friends means you should be a with good relationship.Okay honestly speaking, relationships can be tough. It is not a cake walk. There are a lot of ups and downs. There is a lot of jealousy, insecurity, love, possessiveness, protective nature, fights, misunderstandings, arguments, late night fancy talks, fancy moments, and a lot more other things.

  2. Denise says:

    Hi! I’m Dee
    I met him on Tinder he was having a problem so He has no where to go he lost his job and no place to live so I let him in from day one and it took a while for us to fall in love so we have been living together for 2 yrs . What I see in him he goes back and fourth like being friendships and being in relationships I told him that you cant keep going back and fourth again . it has to be either way that you have to choose. I don’t know what he up to.. so I will tell him this weekend please make up your mind I cant have that in my mind that I cant trust your feeling right now . Plus he held me for while that was on Easter Sunday I was surprised it been a year that he hasn’t hold me for long time , so it happen yesterday that friendships and relationships don’t mixed he said yes we are friends and relationships, I said no . please email me when you can thanks
    Please write me back , Thanks again
    Dee

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