I was nearly raped a while back. He got on top of me, hurt me and tried to push himself inside me, but I fought him off before it got much worse.
I had a partner at the time (Who I am still with) and my problem is this: I’m terrified of sex now. Kissing and touching is fine, but when it moves beyond a certain point I freeze up and become unresponsive.
I’m not sure what to do. I hate that I’ve been affected so much by something that wasn’t even technically rape by a random creep. It makes me guilty because I know my boyfriend hasn’t done anything bad, and yet he suffers the brunt of my issues. I can tell the lack of sex is driving him nuts. It’s doing me in too. I want to get back on top (Pun not intended). Not just for him, but for myself too.
Your advice, please? (And thank you)
Seek treatment for post traumatic stress disorder. The sooner the better.
Don’t get caught up in whether it was “technically rape.” You were the victim of a violent sexual assault, and the psychological ramifications are very real.
You have no reason to feel guilty. This isn’t your fault, and you deserve to get better. I hate to say that I’ve been there, but I know what I’m talking about when I say that PTSD treatment works. It really speeds up the healing process. Go get some help.