Best-Of Advice

On rape fantasy

I am a self-respecting woman in a happy relationship based on mutual trust & respect. When I masturbate, I fantasize about being treated like an object. Head pushed down into someone’s lap; being taken home from a bar and asked to have a threesome; forced to do things I do not want to do. Shit I would be repulsed by/would not tolerate if it actually happened. Sometimes after getting off, I feel dirty for even thinking those things. I’ve heard the term “rape fantasy” being thrown around; can you shed some light on the issue?

Your first sentence translates roughly into, “I’m not a freak.” Then your next three sentences break down into, “but I like to get freaky.”

I know it seems like an oversimplification, but believe me, that’s your problem right there. It’s called cognitive dissonance, and it’s the end result of living in a culture that still shames women for their sexual desires.

We all have a dark and sticky place we go to in our minds when we’re trying to get off. Every last one of us does it, not every time, but we’ve each got a basement with some dripping nasty shit locked away in it.

Thing is, you feel guilty for it, so your psyche bakes up little Freudian pie filled with repression, displacement, and sublimation and serves you up a hot slice of rape fantasy.

It’s delicious and guilt free, because it allows you to experience all that dark sexual desire without owning it. If it’s against your will, you don’t have to take any responsibility for the shit you want done to you hard and twice.

Of course, after you cum there’s that moment of clarity where there’s really no denying how you got yourself off, so you catch that wave of guilt.

Quit feeling the guilt. You’ve got no reason to be ashamed, and quite frankly, you’re getting off to pretty garden variety stuff.

Now, I’m not speaking for all rape fantasies here, just your type where it’s more about submission and surrendering free will. There’s a whole other level where it’s actually about violence and self-annihilation and other horrible shit that stems from unhealthy places.

Don’t worry. That ain’t you.

Oh, and do yourself a favor. Don’t get all brave and ask your boyfriend to try it out on you. Planning out a role play version of a rape fantasy is an exercise in logical paradox that ends up being a silly Dane Cook punch line.

Trust me, what you’re interested in is called dominance and submission. You’re a sub. Start out light. Have fun.

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