On settling too soon.

I’ve been dating a guy for over a year and a half and we’ve really fallen in love with each other. I’m only 19 and we’re already talking about spending the rest of our lives together. He is all I could ever want in a partner, he’s ambitious, successful, 23, and we have great sex. I really can’t imagine ever breaking up with him but I feel like I’m settling too quickly. What should I do?

Settling down is not the same thing as settling. Then again, you’re nineteen. How would you know the difference?

Just chill the fuck out and enjoy yourself. Whatever you do, don’t get married. If you’re still with him in 2015, feel free to go ring shopping. Odd are, you won’t be.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you describe this relationship with all the depth and warmth of a resume. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and all, but if the best you can come up with after a year and a half are words like “ambitious” and “successful,” it’s not a good sign.

It makes me think that either you’re not as in to him as you think you are, or you’ve still got quite a bit of living to do before you have an original thought when it comes to love.

In either case, don’t ignore that little itch you’ve got to explore, because it isn’t going to go away. Recognize that when you say things like “I really can’t imagine ever breaking up with him,” what you’re really saying is “I imagine it all the time, but I don’t want to acknowledge that I do because I’m scared of what it might mean.”

I’m not suggesting that you hit the panic button and break up. If it’s good today, run with it. Just don’t treat it like the end of the world when the inevitable happens.


3 thoughts on “On settling too soon.

  1. Maria says:

    Just enjoying the archives and wondering where all these people are now. It’s 2015; she probably hasn’t gone ring shopping. But if she’s taken six years of coketalk advice, I wonder how the exploration has gone.

    • The Coquette says:

      Oh, wow. I would absolutely love it if all the people whose questions I answered back in the day would reply in the comments with an update on how the advice panned out. That would be so much fun.

  2. g says:

    reading this in 2018 as I scroll through every question you have ever answered (you give me something to do when bored at work). I love your advice here, I do wonder if they married eventually or not? Would love to know everyone’s story years on!

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