On smoking

When did you start smoking cigarettes? Do you think 14/15 is too young to start? If someone starts (well, me) at 14 (already started), is it possible to keep it under control or should I stop altogether? How do you smoke? Are you addicted? Please map this ground out for me because I’m lost.

I had my first cigarette in a church camp bathroom, not coincidentally on the same night that someone’s finger other than my own first found it’s way inside my vagina. All in all, a pretty wild night for an eighth grader.

I never really started smoking, though. Much like getting fingerbanged, it was just something that happened every once in a while when I was sneaking around with high school boys.

In college, I would smoke with friends who smoked, but I never actually bought cigarettes myself. These days, I keep a pack of Parliaments laying around like I keep beers in the fridge. They’re on hand for when I have guests, and occasionally if I’m in a particular mood.

I guess you could say I’m a pack-a-month smoker, which means on an average day I could call myself a non-smoker and no one would know the difference.

That’s just it, though. I’ll never become someone who needs a cigarette every day. I won’t ever let it become a habit. As habits go, cigarettes are fucking disgusting. The dry cleaning bills alone make it a stupid idea.

Of all the shit I put into my body, cigarettes do the most damage and leave the most lasting negative effects. Sure, when I’m high as fuck, I’ll smoke like a chimney, but that doesn’t make it any less gross.

Not to start sounding like a PSA, but a couple of my crazy party friends happen to be doctors. These guys have shoved ecstasy up my ass, and I’ve done cocaine off their cocks. They know their way around every recreational poison you can imagine, and they’ve told me the same thing every time: smoking is the worst thing you can do to your body.

So there it is. Maybe it’s a bit of a mixed message, but I hope you understand that I’m not holding myself out as an example. Sure, I smoke a little, but I do all kinds of whacked out shit that I obviously shouldn’t do.

You’re only fourteen. If you’ve already started smoking, you’re fucked. You should absolutely quit. Never let yourself get addicted to anything, especially something so damaging as cigarettes.


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