Best-Of Advice

On someone out there

do you actually believe that there is a stage in every relationship where you get bored of being with your partner? you don’t think that there is someone out there that could entertain your fancies, keep you laughing, and keep you orgasming year after year? i only ask because i have witnessed people with this relationship (namely my parents, i know.. gross, but it’s true. and actually pretty endearing now), and i wonder if it’s absolutely naive of me to believe that i have any hope of achieving this with someone i’m with ..or if it actually is a feasible possibility.

It never ceases to amaze me how some of you can turn this into an exercise in missing the motherfucking point. Is there someone out there that could entertain my fancies, keep me laughing, and keep me orgasming year after year? Fuck, what an infantile question.

Of course there is. Even if such a person were one in a million, there are literally thousands upon thousands of people out there who could do that shit standing on their heads. Don’t you get it?

There is no one magical person out there with the other half of my golden amulet. Instead, there’s a metric fuck-ton of beautiful and fascinating boys and girls to play with. Sometimes I even fall in love.

I surround myself with brilliant and witty people. I am responsible for my own orgasm. I am the empress of my own goddamn happiness whether I’m in a relationship with zero, one, or several people at any given moment.

Your parents didn’t achieve relationship bliss because they found soulmate perfection in one another. They did it because they’re a damn good match and shit happened to work out for them. That’s commendable, but these days, it’s not the norm.

Also, don’t kid yourself. Boredom will eventually set in to every relationship. It doesn’t have to be a killer, though. Boredom doesn’t mean you stop laughing and fucking. Hell, most folks end up taking comfort in consistency. All I was saying is that fireworks always end.

Your naivete doesn’t stem from your desire to be like your parents. That’s sweet, actually. Your naivete stems from an underlying assumption that there is someone — a prince charming — who is somehow more perfect for you than all your other potential mates. That shit is ridiculous.

I’m not saying that you won’t eventually find someone who you think is perfect and settle down to a marriage very similar to the way your parents did it. Odds are, you will. After all, you were raised in a loving environment, and so the likelihood of scoring a similar situation is that much better.

That’s the point really. It’s all just a numbers game.

Good luck.


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