You said you’re an advocate of the right to die, and I’m now in a situation where it’s my only way out. This isn’t a suicide plea, so if you’re willing to hear me out, I’d appreciate it.
I’m young and living away from my parents. Long story short (it’s actually a short story) I was in an accident at work which destroyed my cock and left leg below the knee. I’ll be fitted for a prosthetic soon and I live in Ontario so OHIP is hooking me up nicely.
They can’t fix my cock though.
And yeah, I’m that simple. I’m twenty-two. I have no cock and soon I’ll be on a fake foot. I don’t feel obligated to look for any deeper meaning because I don’t want to, and not wanting to live makes me cancerous so long as I do. I don’t want to find a reason either. I’m actually, anger aside, also content with everything I experienced so far because I’m truly fucking privileged.
I know it will devastate some family, but I want to do my very best to explain why it happened. They don’t know about the accident yet–they can easily find out–but that isn’t what I want to explain.
Maybe you’ll just tell me to rewrite what I have, but is there any way to leave behind a note that can articulate the simplicity of life? That I’m leaving this behind because an intact body is minimum for me, and that my anger is residual, but has nothing to do with my choice to check out.
I’m a whole human being. People keep wanting to ‘enlighten’ me but I did all that shit when I got raped at seven. I’m way more hardcore than reinventing myself beyond the physical body, because I know that’s all there is for me. I feel like I have to come off as a prick to keep people from coming at me with ‘metaphysical life’ like I haven’t already rejected it.
I just want them to know this is a decision, not a reaction, and that I’ve become happier since making it. Not as ‘some manifestation of life, not death’ but exclusively because I know this won’t go on when I decide it won’t.
I’ve decided it won’t. Is trying to explain it going to make things worse?
I am absolutely an advocate of a person’s right to make their own end of life decisions. People have the right to die with dignity.
In your case, I can even understand how you’ve come to make your decision. Naturally, you’ve become happier now that you’ve made it. That’s a thing that happens. It’s how I know you’ve already made up your mind, and it’s why I won’t bother wasting either of our time trying to convince you otherwise.
I get that this isn’t a cry for help. It’s a genuine question about how to make things easier for the people you plan on leaving behind. It’s about how to communicate with your family about your decision to die. I respect that, and I appreciate that you thought to ask me for help in explaining yourself.
So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to support your decision, but I’m only going to support it conditionally, and you’re not going to like it. In fact, you’ll immediately dismiss it out of hand.
I’m telling you this first so that you’ll catch yourself when you do, because there will also be a part of you that knows I’m right, and I’m hoping to reach that part of you before you fuck up that last thing over which you’ll ever have any control.
I’m going to support and respect your decision to end your life on the condition that you support and respect your family’s right to come to terms with that decision before you act on it.
Your life — and its end — isn’t just about you. It’s also about your family. It’s about your loved ones and everyone you leave behind. As much as you have the right to make your own end of life decision, they have the right to be a part of it.
Yes, it’s true that the ultimate decision is yours to act upon, but it’s not a decision that you have the right to make by yourself. You don’t get to just type up a note and check the fuck out. That’s common suicide. It’s cowardly, selfish, and without a shred of dignity. I cannot and will not support you in that decision.
However, if you do the right thing — the hard thing — and bring this decision to your family so that they can come to terms with it first, then not only are you showing them the proper respect, but it will prove that your decision is worthy of consideration.
Now, I know you’re already thinking of a million reasons why you can’t tell your family beforehand, but all of that is bullshit rationalization. It’s cowardice and fear. Like I said, there’s a part of you that already knows involving your family is the right thing to do. It’s the only thing that could ever truly legitimize your decision.
Obviously, your manhood is important to you. Well, this is your last chance to be a man. Don’t go out a fucking coward. Have the strength of will and the depth of character to step the fuck up and do right by your family.
You only get to do this once, and there’s only one right way to do it.
You know I’m right. Don’t fuck this up.