On teenage flirting

Im 15, and it seems to be that all of a sudden every new guy I meet and even old friends are starting to view me as a sex object. Guys that used to talk to me about their girlfriends and ask me about my day are starting to ask me for nudes. I actually feel like I havent had a non-sexual conversation with a male of my age in quite awhile. Except one. He’s immature and awkward, but I can tell he has a little thing for me. He happens to be the one I like best. If I have such an easy time getting other guys to hit on me, what is going on with this one? Can you maybe give me a quick fix on how to open up a flirty conversation with him and start the relationship going in a romantic direction? Cuz it doesnt seem like Im having a problem with anyone else! (Btw, wtf at everyone suddenly trying to jump my bones. Im totally loving it and Im not complaining, it was just so sudden!)

You grew tits, sweetie. Don’t act all surprised that boys want to fuck you.

Also — and I have to remind my teenage readers every once and awhile — I’m really not the person you want to be passing a note in study hall. I’m a coked up L.A. party girl, not Judy fucking Blume.

If you wanna know how to whip up a holiday batch of ketamine using peppermint extract, or about proper finger etiquette when sticking ecstasy up a friend’s ass, then sure — I’m your girl. As for flirting with fifteen year olds, I don’t know what to tell you.

The best I can do is suggest that you stick to the basics: always laugh at his jokes, don’t be afraid to initiate physical contact, and do your best to ignore his erection during casual conversation.

Other than that, just don’t get knocked up.

(Also, hold off on sharing nudes. Last I checked, emailing a camera phone pic of your underage rack still counted as a federal fucking crime.)


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