On teenage sweethearts

I’ve been in a relationship for four years off-and-on with the same guy. How practical would it be to move in together? Both of us have steady jobs, he’s already moved out with room mates at the moment, but I’m still living with my parents so that I can save up more money for the possibility of us taking things to the next level.


Red flag number one: “four years”

Red flag number two: “off-and-on”

Red flag number three: “but I’m still living with my parents”

Do you really want me to answer this question? My advice has nothing to do with practicality, and I promise you will not like it.

Here’s a hint: as much as sentimental conservative types may disagree, I feel strongly that settling down with your teenage sweetheart is a recipe for a mid-life crisis in your early thirties when you realize that the only cock you’ve ever seen is attached to a man who resents you for stealing his youth and won’t fuck you because you’ve got short hair and stretch marks. Not that it matters to you, because you fell out of love with him years before and now you subsist on fantasies about the personal lives of pretty people on daytime television.

So, are you sure you want my advice on this one?


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