I’m having a major problem, it has recently come to light that I am in actual fact the reincarnation of Jesus. The thing is that I don’t want to be Jesus, I am a Hindu. What do I do?

The good news is, you are not the reincarnation of Jesus. The bad news is, you are either mentally ill or an enormous douche.

If you’re gonna have a messiah complex, the least you could do is stick to your own tradition and claim to be an avatar of Vishnu or something. If I were you, I’d just go with Krishna, or if you really have balls, claim to be Kalki.

Who knows? If you’re charismatic enough and you really commit to the whole idea, you might even get a good little cult going.

Good luck being a whack job.