Best-Of Advice

On three days salary

How much is a decent price for an engagement ring? I make about $85,000 a year. Thanks.

You’re asking the wrong girl. I’m one of the few who thinks this tradition is grotesque and vulgar.

The diamond engagement ring is a sucker’s bet. You’ve been convinced of its romantic necessity by some bullshit advertising agency and sold a pack of lies about its inherent value by a brutal and manipulative mining cartel.

The sheisty pricks at DeBeers want you to spend three months salary on that shit. For you, that’s well over twenty thousand dollars. Really? Fuck that.

Instead, celebrate your engagement with something that might actually enrich your lives. Travel the world together. Start a college fund for your future kids. Hell, join a country club if you’re white. Who fucking cares? Whatever you do, please don’t waste all that hard-earned cash on a useless little rock.

If your girlfriend absolutely insists on a sparkling whore trophy, then at the very most you should spend three days salary on a high-end “diamond alternative.” Stick that shit in a Tiffany box and nobody can tell the difference.

She’ll still be able to impress her friends with that cracker jack prize, and if you want the god’s honest truth that’s all she ever really wanted it for anyways.

Seriously, the whole tradition is one big lie. Why be the sucker who pays more?

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