On unrequited love.

So I have been completely in love with this kid for years. After a while, we eventually have become best friends. We have almost dated a few different times now, but it’s an incredibly complicated situation, so it’s never really worked out. We both care for each other very much is what I’m really getting at I guess. Regardless of us being within the title of “best friends” we still hook up quite a bit. Unfortunately right before it happens, or at some point during, he’ll always make some kind of comment like “This is a really bad idea.” I am never the one to start it, he is always the one to start kissing or pulling at clothing what have you, and I usually just go with it. He is very aware of my feelings for him, so I am wondering… what the fuck is up with this? Is he just using me for sex since he knows I’ll be into it, is he pitying me for my feelings, or is he actually attracted to me? It’s not a question of whether or not he’s a complete ass hole, he’s not just some guy I have randomly met, and according to him, I’m the only person who means anything to him at all. I had planned that the next time it happened, I’d stop and be like “whoa dude, what are we doing?” but alas, we were drunk, and it still seemed like a good idea at the time. Help?

There is no help for you. I’m very sorry, but you are totally fucked.

You are in love, and he is not. He has a penis, and you have a vagina.

See where I’m going with this?

Yes, he is using you for sex — but he is not “just” using you for sex. It’s not about pity. He probably does have genuine affection for you, but the timing and chemistry are off.

Stop hooking up with him. You lost your “best friends with benefits” status the second you fell in love. There is a massive imbalance in this relationship, and the sex will absolutely destroy you.

Have a little self respect and exercise a little self restraint. Let him know that the two of you are done fucking. Don’t wait until you’re hot and heavy to pull a “whoa dude, what are we doing?” That’s not cool either. Let him know if he ever disrespects your wishes by taking advantage of your vulnerability, then the friendship is over. Mean it.

At this point, all you’re really doing is managing pain, so pick your poison: falling out of love hurts, but not nearly as much as being in unrequited love.


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