Advice

On woody allen.

Right when I’m super close to coming, I always have these really weird and fucked up imaginations pop into my mind, and sometimes my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend also comes into the picture. And then it delays the coming process and it takes me forever. What the fuck am I supposed to do? What does this mean?

Go back and read your question over again, only this time, read it in the nebbishy, hand-wringing voice of Woody Allen.

Did you read it in Woody Allen’s voice? Good, because that’s pretty much how you sound. Yeah, that’s right. You’re Woody Allen with a vagina. Does your boyfriend know he’s basically fucking Woody Allen? I bet if he did, it’d take him forever to cum too.

Oh, and guess what? Now that I’ve planted that shit in your head, Woody Allen is gonna haunt your orgasms for the rest of your life.

Just kidding. Woody Allen won’t haunt your orgasms. Actually, all those crazy thoughts will pop into your head during sex just like they always do, only this time you’ll suddenly be picturing Woody Allen fucking your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, and after that, everything will be fine.

Did you see Inception? That shit is for real, bitch.

Happy Hanukkah, Woody.

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