On your boyfriend’s crazy ex.

The guy I’m currently dating broke up with his girlfriend and started dating me less than a week after. I don’t know if he dumped her FOR me, but that’s besides the point. The point is that the psycho bitch has resurfaced after a month and a half of silence by calling and saying things like “I want you to push me up against a wall and fuck me” (which is interesting because for the whole of their year and a half long relationship she refused to have sex with him once) binge-drinking and popping pills she can’t even pronounce then contacting him at three in the morning claiming that she wants to stop and that he’s the only one that can convince her to do so. It’s destroying him (he feels responsible for her well-being, and feels wholeheartedly that no one else can help her but him) and starting to get really upsetting (it’s been two weeks.)

What can I possibly do? I know this qualifies as emotional blackmail (which you are firmly set AGAINST, with reason) and besides being “supportive”, patting him on the back telling him that he won’t have to hold back her hair while she pukes up her pharmacy cabinet for long and just generally feeling useless, I can’t seem to think of a solution. Being “firm” with him and telling him to ignore her isn’t an option, he’ll get upset. And fuck, I really like this guy and he really seems to like me, but his take on the whole situation is to deal with it until it blows over and then he can be with me without the added baggage of crazy.

Your advice, please?

Does this bag of crazy have parents? If so, that’s your ticket to freedom.

As with all blackmail, the only real solution is to report it to the authorities. Emotional blackmail is no different, and in this case, the authority is her parents.

You have to convince your boyfriend to 411 her folks, call them up, and hand off the responsibility he still feels for her welfare. He needs to tell them something like, “I care about your daughter, but she can’t be in my life anymore. She needs help, but I can’t be the one to do it. As her parents, you need to step in and take care of her.”

It might be a tough sell, because it sounds like they had a co-dependent relationship. Your boyfriend is used to thinking he’s the only one in the world who can help her. Well, he’s not. Shatter that myth. Parents are a far more appropriate source of support than an ex-boyfriend, and he needs to see that.

If you play your cards right, your boyfriend will feel like he did the right thing by not abandoning his ex, and she’ll stop turning to him if she thinks he’ll call her parents every time she looses control.

Good luck.


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