Advice

On your hot boyfriend

He’s gorgeous and I’m average and I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. The thing is, he’s always been the one to pursue me, and I’ve been the one to pull away. I’m smart and accomplished and realize I’m worthy of pursuit, so it’s not so much a self-esteem thing as it is a perception of imbalance.

We’re giving it a proper go now, but I still can’t silence the voice that says that he should be with someone prettier. How do I tell her to shut the fuck up?

 

You’re lying to yourself. Lying, lying, lying.

It is a self-esteem thing. It’s entirely a self-esteem thing, and it’s not anything other than a self-esteem thing.

Quit lying to yourself and fucking embrace it. Your boyfriend could easily be with someone prettier, and that’s awesome, because he wants to be with you.

Don’t silence the voice that says he’s too good looking for you. Laugh at that dumb bitch, and enjoy your hot boyfriend.

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5 thoughts on “On your hot boyfriend

  1. HM says:

    Seriously, yo. I’ve seen that kind of insecurity turn into a jealousy issue and ruin a relationship. Your hot boyfriend is with you for a reason. Enjoy looking at the side of his head and don’t worry about it.

  2. JC says:

    How come when men have a hot(ter) girlfriend they feel better about themselves, and when women have a hot(ter) boyfriend, they doubt themselves?

    Actually, I can answer that: it comes down to the societal expectation that it’s a woman’s job to be hot for men and that a woman’s value is primarily dictated by her attractiveness.

    Remarkably, some men value more than looks, things like sense of humor and intelligence. Honey, if you have one of those, hang on to him tight and don’t fuck it up with insecurity.

  3. Mellifluous says:

    Seriously, have you seen Cate Blanchett? She is quite average and absolutely marvelous, at the exact same time. When she’s on screen, I can’t take my eyes off of her, but I’m not unaware that she is not a conventional beauty. Has it occurred to you that not only is it a self-esteem thing, but that you’re just flippin’ wrong? Maybe you physically make him hard enough to cut diamonds? We rarely see ourselves as we truly are, or at least we rarely see ALL of ourselves as we truly are. You could just be wrong about your level of hotness because you have self-esteem issues. Embrace your hot boyfriend, girl, but embrace yourself, too.

  4. Jenny says:

    I feel the same way, except not about looks. My boyfriend is just way cooler than me. He likes cooler movies, music, books, television, everything. And I know he wants to be interested in the things I like, but I get really irrationally ashamed whenever he doesn’t like something I’m into. Which makes it hard to share a lot of my interests because I just don’t think I’m that worthwhile. In some ways he makes it a lot easier to be myself, but sometimes it’s just really glaring how lacking I am.

    • Jenny says:

      But…after a day of thinking and breathing and getting a handle on my emotions, I’ve eventually realized that the Coquette’s original response applies to me and my feelings, too. It’s definitely hard when deep, dark insecurities get triggered, though.

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