Advice

On your pussy

This is a painfully embarrassing question but one that I have needed to ask since I ‘developed’ and my best friend shamed me.

My inner labia hang about a centimetre and my outers are tiny, I feel hideous and struggle to engage in foreplay because of this.

The boyish culture where I live means I frequently hear comments such as, pussy like a dropped lasagne, meat curtains etc to which girls and boys react by also shaming big ‘lips’.

should I get surgery?

 

Hell no.

Your pussy is beautiful, and you are surrounded by fucking idiots.

Say it with me, “My pussy is beautiful, and I am surrounded by fucking idiots.”

Everybody now, “My pussy is beautiful, and I am surrounded by fucking idiots.”

(As far as daily mantras go, you’ll be surprised how universal and deeply satisfying this one is.)

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39 thoughts on “On your pussy

    • Jen W says:

      Penis size doesn’t matter.

      Case in point: several years ago I had a couple friends with benefits around the same time. One of them had the hugest cock I’ve ever seen, very long and very thick. The other had the smallest cock I’ve ever seen. Sex with the former was mediocre. Sex with the latter was some of the best I’ve ever had. While in the middle of having sex with monster cock, I found myself wishing I were with small cock instead.

      Penis size doesn’t matter.

  1. Perspectivator says:

    There’s no such thing as an “ugly” vagina.
    Poorly maintained, yes.
    Ugly, no.

    Any guy that isn’t into really exploring and appreciating doesn’t deserve a blowjob, ever.

  2. Giuliana says:

    I know a guy who loves the so called “meat curtains.” He thinks they’re great; they are his favorite type of vulva to encounter. He says they’re more fun to play with and he loves how they look. Guys who will dig your pussy are out there for sure, so keep looking and don’t be discouraged by the assholes. In the long term Coq is right of course. Love your pussy; it is great like it is.

    • JenW says:

      Oops, I think I may have accidentally posted my comment finished but I don’t see it so maybe I canceled it. Anyway…

      I have very long, hanging, inner labia as well. I have slept with dozens of men, serious relationships, casual hookups, and everything in between. Not one of them complained about it or even acted like it was anything but wonderful. What they have upset about it is that it is beautiful and fun to play with. My current boyfriend told me something which had never even occurred to me, that my lips “hug” his cock every time he slides out of me, with every thrust. It drives him wild. So your pussy actually provides men with an extra sensation that some women.

      Small labia are common in porn because it allows the camera to see what’s going on. Not because they are “better.” Your pussy is wonderful. Do not be ashamed of it, ever.

  3. dime-sized-amount says:

    I love pussy.

    I have never had a requirement about lip ratio, color, symmetry, hair style preferences…never. All that matters to me is that my partner employ some very basic hygiene (shower, clean panties) and find a way to let me know what she likes so I know she’s enjoying herself.

    Your pussy is beautiful. Trust me. Trust your pussy.

  4. Elle says:

    I have a similar issue. I always thought about surgery and my family was always supportive of this decision. The longer I waited, the more good partners I had who made positive comments the less I cared to change it.
    Nothing is wrong with your body, your perception of how it should look is wrong. You will be the only one to care this much about your labia hanging a certain way.
    Boys making shitty comments are also those that are the least versed in satisfactory sexual encounters!

    • RocketGrunt says:

      I agree about boys who make shitty comments. In my experience, the only guys who think my body is weird are guys who have watched a lot of porn and had very little (if any) sex.

  5. Anna says:

    This is heartbreaking. One, because I love vulvas (like for the sexy times and bc the female reproductive system is amazing). And also, because I remember thinking the same kind of thing about my freakishly long labia.
    But it turns they weren’t particularly long, and long isn’t freakish anyways, as I realized a few more partners and many pelvic examinations later. I mean seriously 1cm poking out isn’t long!! I’d actually be worried about exposing yourself to chronic infections if you shorten them (they’ll shrink even more after menopause). And that’s without even the irreparable damage to a potential erogenous zone – we’re talking about the female equivalent of a ballsack.
    All that to say that labia minora are awesome, yours are awesome and don’t chop anything off before you’ve had the time to get familiar with it.

  6. Lauren says:

    I hope this reader/sender has seen the the great wall of vagina by Jamie McCartney. It shows that everyone’s pussy is a little different and this idea of the perfect pussy doesn’t really exist…. Also, I feel as though the bigger the surface area = more nerve endings = more pleasure. embrace it!!

    • Strangely Rational says:

      Yeah, I actually wish mine was bigger. Small inner labia and small clit that are completely tucked up in there. It’s hard to get pleasure from intercourse as there isn’t much contact. There’s one specific position that’s better, but it’s not too easy to get into it.

      Seriously, I am jealous of women who have more!

  7. Rose says:

    Funny, I dodged a bullet. I think I might look like that, but I’ve never been told how they’re “supposed” to look, so it’s never bothered me. It just goes to show how arbitrary beauty standards and all this shit is.

  8. D says:

    Toss any guy who shames you for your body. You are perfectly normal and more than that, you are beautiful. Next time a guy tells you your pussy is beautiful, believe him. Sometimes the hardest part is accepting that you are being told the truth.

  9. Kath says:

    Don’t sleep with the kind of cretin that says things like that about women and that’s 100% of your problem gone right there.

  10. Nina says:

    Most women have longer inner labia. You are perfectly normal and you don’t need to change anything. The people around you are the ones who need to change.

  11. J Lynn says:

    The legendary Dr Betty Dobson has a selection of beautiful original drawings of at least a dozen different vulva styles on her website dodsonandross dot com. There is as much variety among vulvas as among faces. Her site also has a wealth of sex advice, feminist commentary and lots of other erotic and other figurative art from her long career. She was way ahead of her time and is happily still with us at 80-something. She is also outspoken about her own long inner labia!

    • RocketGrunt says:

      Holy shit, thank you so much for this. I’ve been having troubles with penetration for a long time and thought I was weird, but this website has an archive of advice about exactly my experiences. I would recommend this website to 100% of vagina owners.

      • J Lynn says:

        So glad you found it helpful!

        I think Dr Betty is a national treasure and living legend. Her body of work is still so far ahead of the mainstream, yet also so practical, approachable and inspiring.

  12. C says:

    Coke is right, people like this are complete idiots that say this shit. Love what you have don’t listen to those people they have no idea what they’re talking about, every women is different and any partner who doesn’t want to accept your pussy and get dumped instantly.

  13. rollertrain says:

    To OP: You’re actually very lucky. Labia minora are LOADED with pleasure-center nerves that are part of the clitoris. I used to hate mine too, until I learned that when they’re properly stimulated, they help me cum really fucking hard. I love my roast beef curtains more than cock, and I love a good cock. xoxo.

    • Jen W says:

      I’m jealous. Mine are quite long also, but not sensitive at all. Men love to play with them when they go down on me, but they get more pleasure out of it than I do! But as long as somebody’s enjoying themselves it’s all good. 🙂

  14. generic_ says:

    To my knowledge, the first mainstream figure to shame longer labial lips was Dane Cook.

    Dane.
    Cook.

    I could belabor the obvious cultural significance of that, but I think we’re all up to speed here. Real Men™ like your pussy just fine. If anything, the experience has given you a better antenna for douchebags.

  15. Barefootsie says:

    I do basic maintenance on my vagina as a courtesy to myself, my health, and my partners. If anyone gives me any criticisms about how I am made or how I choose to maintain, I remind them that guests who criticize the grass or the paint job don’t get to come into the house.

  16. OP says:

    I am the asker.

    Thank you so much to coquette and everyone who has taken the time to answer. Your responses and suggestions of things to look at has helped me infinitely. I just wish I’d asked sooner!

    • CynicalGrey says:

      I too have a large inner labia, and it brings me immense pleasure, compliments, and something to play with. It took me a little time because Dane Cook was still relevant when I was in my mid twenties, and I’m glad you asked because I need to remind myself when that wiggling thought slips in.

      Vaginas are awesome powerhouses of orgasmic bliss. Now, go and play!

      • J Lynn says:

        This is only the second time ive heard of this Dane Cook douche. The first time was on Louis CK’s show in which CK accuses him of joke stealing, and Cook comes off as a really cynical mainstream type, like Tim Allen except (more?) sleazy.

        So now you guys are saying this dude is some kind of career labia-shamer?? Christ. That’s just so … pathetic. This illustrates to me that gynophobia is a big part of misogyny.

  17. unicornsrpeople2 says:

    I also have prominent inner labia and I know exactly how you feel. Growing up I was ashamed of it, especially when it came to places like public changing rooms (I used to swim a lot) because none of the other girls looked like me down there.

    But then I grew up and learned a lot about the natural variety and beauty of all pussies. And you know what? I have never received any complaints from male partners. If they didn’t like it and and talked about my “roast-beef curtains” or what have you to their guy friends, they at least knew better than to say anything to me. If a guy ever does care, he’s really not worth your time.

    Please do not get surgery! There could be complications that affect your health and ability to receive pleasure down the road. You are beautiful just the way you are. Thanks for the positive affirmations Coquette, more people need to discuss these issues.

  18. Randy not Randy says:

    Dear OP. I wish I could open my head and pour a lifetime of experience about body shaming in yours but I can’t. Please just believe you’ll be fine. In the interim I’m still struggling to decide my favorite mantra, our wonderful hostess or Yoda. Guffaw.

  19. WilhelminaMildew says:

    I discovered at quite a young age (thank you, Our Bodies Our Selves) that I have uneven inner labia. One is almost an inch longer than the other & hangs out past my outers. I always thought it was pretty cool because it was unusual and interesting, lol!
    I’ve had dozens of sexual partners over the years, lots of men and a few women, and not ONE has ever said anything negative about it, or anything at all to be honest- I don’t think many have even noticed, judging by the surprise of those I’ve actually pointed it out to.
    If anyone *had* made some negative comment, they certainly would have not liked my response, since I the type who would reply with ‘well what about your (name one of their imperfections)? oh, you don’t like your body being criticized? Well then shut the fuck up!’ No, I’m really not nice to body shamers.

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