Girl, you opened comments! That is wonderful 🙂

Yes! It’s probably something I should have done a long time ago, but after the site got a makeover last month, I finally figured out Disqus, and I’m really looking forward to reading what everybody has to say.

Fair warning, I will be moderating comments.

Feel free to talk all the shit you want, but to make sure things stay copacetic, every comment has to be at least one of three things: intelligent, respectful, or entertaining.

If your comments aren’t intelligent, they’d better be entertaining or respectful.

If your comments aren’t respectful, they’d better be intelligent or entertaining.

If your comments aren’t entertaining, they’d better be respectful or intelligent.

We’ll call it the IRE test. (Yeah, I just invented a cheesy new acronym.) Any comment that fails on all three counts may be deleted, but don’t worry, I’ve got a thick skin and a brutal sense of humor.

This should be fun.

My boyfriend and I have been together since we were teenagers. We were each other’s first everything, etc, etc. Recently, he expressed some regret that he’d never had the opportunity to experiment with different people. I told him that I would be perfectly comfortable with him going out and fucking some hot people as long as he came home and told me about it while he fucked me. Am I inserting myself in a fantasy where I’m not welcome?

You’re definitely inserting yourself into a fantasy, but just because you weren’t invited that doesn’t mean you’re not welcome.

Besides, requiring that he come home and give you all the juicy details while fucking you is a small price to pay for his hall pass. If you really are that cool, he should respect your desire to make it a shared experience.

Now, what about you? Are you ever gonna have a hankering for some strange dick? If and when that happens, will your boyfriend extend you the same courtesy you’re extending to him? You might want to find out now before putting yourself in a position for him to later say no where you already said yes.

That shit could get sticky.

I was pretty surprised to read (on the coquette) that you’re such a fan of fake breasts. Do you have fake tits too? Don’t you think it’s a bit…tacky? Trashy? For someone who seems to advocate being as real as possible with people, what is the appeal of bolted on plastic boobs? I just don’t see the point. They feel awful (I’ve groped a few myself), and to me it just screams “I have no self confidence and am desperate for attention from men”. So, what are your opinions on fake tits, or plastic surgery in general if you like?

What if I told you my friend was getting reconstructive implants after a mastectomy due to breast cancer? What if I told you she was getting a mommy makeover breast lift to restore their original shape? What if I told you she was a Vegas stripper who could earn more money with double D’s?

Each of those examples represent a close friend of mine who got her tits done. They are all beautiful and intelligent women brimming with self-confidence and self-respect.

I’m not a fan of fake breasts, asshole. I’m a fan of the raddest bitches in the universe who make informed decisions to get their tits done. If the women you know with fake tits are tacky and trashy, that’s on you.

Tacky and trashy are value judgments, and frankly, your assumption that a woman’s decision to augment her breast is inherently tied to male attention says more about you than anything else.

With your skanky brand of gender politics, of course you don’t see the point. Fuck you for even suggesting that it has anything to do with what you like to grope.

As a result of heavy drinking, my partner, best friend, and I ended up having a threesome. The three of us had joked about having one a few months past, but nothing came out of it. Given the heavy drinking involved, a lot of things got blurred.

To get to the point:
A week later, I found out my best friend feels that they were violated by my partner during the act. I’m not looking for a lecture on how the three of us entered this wrong. Trust me, sober me knows we missed some vital steps in ensuring everyone had a healthy good time.

I’m in over my head as to how to handle this. How do I support my friend and to what end? To what extent should I accept responsibility for this happening? I was the one who suggested it, and I should have been sober enough to monitor and make sure everything was consensual throughout. Do I tell my partner?  I’m also worried that, being implicated in the act, I can’t help my best friend through this.

Please help.

Sincerely,
I Royally Fucked Up

I have no idea if this scenario is three dudes, three chicks, or just a good old fashioned two-on-one mix. You’ve gone out of your way not to give away anyone’s gender, which leads me to believe gender is of some unusual significance in your situation.

Maybe your best friend was violated. Then again, maybe your best friend is merely expressing guilt and regret for sexual experimentation. I don’t know, but you need to figure it out.

You were there. Sure, everyone was fucked up, but did your partner violate your best friend? This can’t be about picking sides. It has to be about all three of you getting on the same page about what exactly happened, and if a line was crossed, you have to see this thing through all the way to apologies and acceptance. Even if a line wasn’t crossed, you still have to sort out the underlying emotional issues with your best friend.

Don’t cover this up. Don’t ignore the situation and hope it goes away. You have to get this shit aired out, and since you seem to be at the top of this triangle, it’s gonna fall on you to deal with it.

I recently read the article Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.

I am Asian American.  I attest that this is parenting method is a crapshoot as much as any other style of parenting, though I suppose me simply saying that proves very little.

I see value in whatever she is trying to teach her children.

There’s something funky with the assumptions and implications of her argument, though.  I will begin to tear this thing to pieces for my friends, but i would like the folly of this piece broadcasted by someone who i know can shred it in a devastating manner.

Some words from the wise one?

Amy Chua is a righteous bitch. That’s fine. She’s earned it. This self described tiger mother is a professor of law at Yale, and she’s raised two overachieving daughters. Good for her, but is her parenting philosophy or her daughter’s achievements evidence of her superiority as a mother? Fuck no. They are merely evidence of her methodology, and her claim of superiority is pure arrogance.

Her entire argument is a sweeping value judgment, one that she’s free to make, but at the end of the day, one that’s entirely subjective, inherently egocentric, and even a wee bit racist. I know that’s a loaded word, but I mean it in a dry, academic sense. Chua’s heart isn’t filled with hate or anything. Just contempt.

Her article is titled, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.” Well, imagine if another Ivy League professor had written a similar article. Imagine, for instance, if Cornel West had written one titled, “Why Black Musicians Are Superior” or if Paul Krugman had written, “Why Jewish Bankers Are Superior.” They’d be eaten alive for saying that shit, but Chua gets away with the same level of culturally biased nonsense because she’s an Asian woman.

Again, fine. Whatever. According to her value system, Chinese mothers are indeed superior, but her cultural values are different from mine, as is her definition of success. Quite frankly, I’m okay just to leave it at that. She’s not my mother, nor am I a parent with something to prove, so I feel no need to shred her to pieces.

She may look great on paper, but by her own admission, she’s not any good at enjoying life. Poor thing. I don’t need to waste my breath slamming the tiger mother. She’s hard enough on herself.

Do you have any thoughts on Mr. Kenneth Tong, his size zero pill, or his “managed anorexia” theory? It seems like he’s trying to make money/build his ‘brand’ on maxims that have been around as long as insecurity has, but he’s gaining friends and followers everyday.

Kenneth Tong is just Tom Vu 2.0, and the size zero pill doesn’t even exist. Not really. Certainly not as a legitimate product. The size zero pill is basically just a new street name for an unregulated, unscheduled drug similar to ephedrine called clenbuterol.

By unregulated, I mean that none of the shit you might buy off the internet from shady overseas distributors is approved by the FDA for human use.

By unscheduled, I mean that it’s not technically a controlled substance, but don’t worry, it will be soon. The second some midwest housewife drops dead of a heart attack while on clenbuterol, the DEA will schedule the drug, and Kenneth Tong will be out of business.

Girls, please ignore this kind of ridiculous bullshit, and stay away from pathetic douchebags like Kenneth Tong. There is no such thing as a magic weight loss pill, and there is no such thing as “managed anorexia.”

Also, don’t legitimize that kind of nonsense by calling it a theory. Theories are for thinking people, and this asshole doesn’t qualify.

I’m horny and I want to have sex.  I’m aware that I could easily have sex with other people but honestly, the only person I want to have sex with is my ex-boyfriend.  Do you think it would be unhealthy if we had sex again? We ended on good terms but I really miss him. It’s kinda like, my heart says no but my crotch says yes, kind of thing.  What do you think?

Do what you gotta do. Fair warning, though. Whenever your heart says no but your crotch says yes, acknowledge the likelihood that you’re fucking up, and be willing to accept any negative consequences of your actions.

You got this question: “Do you think that teenagers fall in love or they just believe they do?” And you answered with a simple “Yes.”

I want to know, is it a yes that teens actually fall in love or is it a yes that they THINK they fall in love.

No.

I usually make it a rule for myself to never intervene in people’s shit and yours and I almost always respectfully agrees with the advice you give out but who are you to call this guy’s girlfriend’s belief insanity? What happened to your clean cut advice routine?

Clean cut advice? Are you kidding? Oh, wait. I get it.