I’m obsessed with my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, or rather, with my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s self-presentation. I feel good with him — secure, everything — after a year of togetherness. I feel as pretty as I normally do, which is not that pretty, yet also not (I hope) overly concerned with my face. And yet I can’t stop looking at pictures of her face, her outfits, her new nails. I no longer remember when or why I started.

The other day, I started looking through her tagged images. From there I started looking through her friend’s Instagrams for pictures of herself she’d untagged. I noticed she had untagged a photo of herself with my boyfriend, taken with what seemed to be a selfie stick, from about a month after he and I started dating, when he said he was no longer seeing her. I want to ask him about it, but I don’t want him to know what I’ve been up to — not because it’s wrong, but because it will make me seem pathetic in his eyes. I’m sure she’s not spending hours looking at pictures of me.

Am I pathetic? Am I…sympathetic? How do I find enough sympathy for myself to stop doing this, and should I try to get sympathy from him, or will I only get — only deserve — scorn and pity?

On general principle, never be jealous of anyone with a selfie stick. That being said, as much as it would please you, I seriously doubt that your boyfriend would react with scorn and pity if you were to bring up a year-old Instagram of him and his ex. You’re aiming a bit too high with scorn and pity. Those are soap opera emotions, which I suppose is my polite way of calling you a drama queen…

Read the rest over at Real Life Magazine.

You’re so desperate to sell your stupid book you’d rather answer questions that can serve you as a way to promote it more. What a shame, I come here for some sage advice I can relate to, not to see you answer obviously planted questions by you just so you can link your book to Amazon.

You’re a sellout to your own greed coke. Shame.

You want some sage advice? When a writer provides you with nearly a decade’s worth of free entertainment without so much as a single advertisement or sponsored content of any kind, you do not whine. You do not complain. You do not act like an ungrateful little shit-goblin by calling that writer a sellout.

What you do is show that writer some fucking respect and graciously click on the provided links and pre-order several copies of that writer’s book, because over the years the writer’s words have played a small but relevant part in your development as a human being, and you’ll eventually want to give the book as a gift to various people who are important in your life.

Then, after pre-ordering multiple copies of the book, you send a heart-felt note to that writer apologizing for your shitty attitude and rude behavior.

Shame, indeed.

I’ve written to you so many times and never gotten a response, and at this point I have no idea why I keep writing. It’s almost as depressing as sending dozens of resumes out into the world and never getting any responses…like, hello, does anyone even hear me? I try to communicate and connect but am I even making actual sounds, or did I just imagine that part? If a person is crying in a forest and no one is there to hear it, is her suffering even real?

I hear you.

I can’t possibly respond to even a fraction of the submissions I get, but I hear you.

LOVE your advice! I’m gonna pre-order 6 books!

I am a 53 yr old widow of 2 years. I had a long successful marriage. Recently I have been seeing a 50 year old man- I’ll call him “W”- who’s had 2 short ,unhappy marriages and at least 2 short live-in relationships. We’re on the same wavelength as far as humor, sex, dancing, music, food, politics but there’s a confusing issue. When we have a disagreement he leaves. I have told him problems don’t get solved by running away. He wants us to see a counselor and I am not opposed to that but only want us to first try some things I think could help – like active listening. And actually talking through a disagreement.

We live an hour apart and have been spending most weekends at my house since March. I’m a retired teacher and he is a semi-retired contractor. Neither of us has adult children or money problems. We both agree that we want
our relationship to “work”. I have no doubts about my suitability for an attachment relationship. I can maintain interest, compassion, trust, and love and I am worthy of these emotional gifts from others. Not so sure W feels so worthy of love and connection. I do think he has an anxiety disorder and some form of hypochondria. Any thoughts ?

I’m so used to 22 year olds asking questions like this, it’s kinda nice to get one from someone your age. That being said, could you have used any other letter other than W? Now I can’t help but picture you dating George W. Bush, and as hilarious as that is, it’s not doing you any favors.

Also, I think your problem is adorable. You two sound like a lovely couple who happen to have different conflict styles. You’re collaborative. He’s avoidant. It’s a pretty simple fix if you go to counseling, so if that’s what he wants, I suggest you do it. It’s really a win-win for you, because the counselor is just gonna teach him active listening anyway, and I guarantee he’s more likely to use the skills if he thinks he learned them from a professional. Plus, if he’s got an anxiety disorder, you can bring that into the room and get him to start dealing with it.

(And thank you so much for pre-ordering a stack of my books. I really do appreciate it.)

I know you get about 1,000 questions per week, so I thought I’d try this again.

Last October I confronted my oldest friend (of 26 years) on a pattern of dick-ish behavior. He replied that it was all in my head, and that I was jealous of him because my life hadn’t worked out. Honestly, if we were making a material measurement, which I believe he was, I’d be generous to say we’re even, but that’s not how I ever thought of us.

To say the least, I was surprised by his very long reply, and then more so by his complete silence.

What’s eating me up is that I’m holding on to it – it’s still on my mind just about every day – and as a means of dealing with this I’ve kept an email in draft that I’ve read and revised as time has gone on. It was very extensive to start, calling him out on a long line of his bullshit, and has since been reduced to a sentence or two; a simple reply to when (not if) he comes around – he’s gone ghost on me twice before, and then comes back with a long story about what he was going through.

My 2 questions: 1) Fuck him, right?, and 2) Why am I holding onto this for so long?

Thanks for your site. I’ve gotten some huge laughs and have forwarded so many of your answers to friends.

1. Sure, fuck him.

2. I don’t have the slightest clue why you’ve been holding on to this for so long. The only thing I know for sure is that you’d be a lot happier if you weren’t.

So, you tell me. What are you getting out of it? What purpose does it serve for you to keep him under your skin?

If I had to guess, I’d say it’s somehow a product of your own self-loathing. (These things usually are.) If you had more self-respect and/or self-worth, you’d have dropped this asshole decades ago and never given him another thought.

If you want to borrow some of my self-respect, go right ahead. As soon as you’re done reading this, immediately trash that email. While you’re at it, unfriend him across all social media. Gather up any mementos or reminders of him that you keep around and either throw them away or stick them in a box.

Fucking delete him already. Let him go. Move the fuck on.

That’s an order.

If you believe you were misdiagnosed with Schizo-Affective Disorder instead of Asperger’s Syndrome, but didn’t have a family member that could advocate for you, where would you start to try to get correct diagnosis/help/treatment? How would you convince medical authorities to take you seriously if they’re starting from a “you’re bat-shyte cra-cra” baseline?

I don’t know what you mean by “medical authorities.” I’m not a doctor, but I don’t give anyone authority over my health or my identity. Neither should you.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t listen to your treatment team. You should, but if you feel you are being misdiagnosed, go get a second opinion. Find a psychologist who works with people on the autism spectrum and get a comprehensive assessment.

Maybe you’ll get a new diagnosis. Maybe you won’t. Maybe they’ll tell you that you have both a spectrum disorder and schizoaffective disorder. (That’s possible too.) Whatever they tell you, try not to let any diagnosis become a part of your identity.

If you feel like you’re not getting good treatment, go find it. I know it’s tricky with mental health, because you start to doubt yourself, especially if you’re dealing with psychotic symptoms. Still, you have to be your own advocate. Your treatment team may be experts on certain aspects of mental health, but they aren’t experts on you.

You are the only expert on yourself.