Is it ever ok to get back with an ex?

Yes.

I remember you saying something about a girl who was looking for love from a child that she can only find within herself.

My mother convinced me into letting her move back in with me after she left when I was a 16 year old drug addict. She married a guy she met three weeks prior to leaving and rarely spoke to me for two years. Why? Several stories framing my father negatively that have had an immense impact on my relationship with him. I let her go because I believed that it was her turn to enjoy this time in her life.

During this period, I managed to get my act together and make it into one of the top 50 universities in the country. My wealthy father signed me onto the deed for the house, which has now become my homestead. I am a home owner at 20 although he will pay the bills until I am able to support myself with my degrees.

Now my kind-hearted stepfather, who treats my mother like a queen but who makes a modest living, can’t afford my father’s lifestyle. So my mother, mid-nervous breakdown calls me up and tells me that she still loves my father and that my stepfather can’t meet her needs. She’s moving back to live with me.

My father wants his trophy wife back and is pretty candid about his agenda. Well, The dust settles within two days and she’s still in a suspiciously saccharine relationship with my stepfather and claims to have no intentions of being with my father again. But she gets a new job in my area moves back into my house (which is paid for by my father) under the premise that this is a temporary (2-3 months) stay until her husband can find a job here and they can settle into a new home. Okay.

While here, she one day set me up with a seemingly heartwarming, leaving-the-nest sort of conversation about her realization that I’m older and I need my privacy. I agree that she and her husband also need their privacy.

In moments, it erupted into, “You ungrateful brat! You ought to be on your hands and knees begging me to stay.” I believe she didn’t want to leave as badly as she wanted me to beg her not to go.

A life of clinical depression and a PTSD victim due to childhood abuse left her all kinds of fucked up. My father was never around and was constantly cheating on her. I remember her drinking herself to sleep and explaining her first legitimate suicide attempt to me before I was 10. I cannot bear to think that the one parent who was present most of the time for the majority of my life is suffering in this way.

I want her to be happy but I’m afraid she will always suffer from delusions of grandeur. I resent her for manipulating me into giving her my blessing for leaving the first time, forgiving her for emotionally disturbing fights (I invited my father to a family get together and my birth became the biggest mistake she ever made [I know my father’s invitation is not the root of the problem]), and for the newest project: moving back into my and my father’s house. Remember the 2-3 month deal? Now she’s proposing a bedroom switch for $100/mo. so that she and her husband can live here for (quoted via text message)”2 months? 7 months? 12 months? I don’t know. No hard feelings if you don’t want to switch.”

I want this woman out of this house. I feel that if I explain that I, as well as she and her husband, need privacy and that she should find a new home, I’ll just be acting like a selfish brat. On the other hand, I feel like I’m dealing with a 60-year-old selfish brat. Truth is, while the house is in my name, my father is paying for it. What makes me believe I’m not being a piece of shit is that after the fight regarding my lack of servitude to her highness, my father asked me “do you want her living here? You need to do well in school and I know this is going to be a distraction.”

We got along much better when we didn’t have to deal with each other more than a few times a month over the phone.

Any insight is appreciated.

Don’t kid yourself. You are not a homeowner. If you were, you could sell that house and move to a new city, which is exactly what you should do.

Thing is, you can’t. Your name may be on the deed, but your father owns that house, and putting it in your name is nothing more than divorced family estate planning.

All he’s doing is protecting his assets and keeping a roof over your head while you’re in college. That’s cool and all, but don’t pretend he’s bestowing some grand largesse.

In fact, he’s put you in an incredibly awkward position where you have landlord authority over your mother, who by your own account is mentally unstable, manipulative, and childishly selfish.

Your father is a fucking adult. He should be man enough to deal with his crazy ex wife and not force his daughter to make the tough decisions.

Then again, your mom is a fucking adult too. She shouldn’t be taking advantage of her daughter by crashing at her ex-husband’s house — and seven to twelve months? Fuck that. She should be able to find a place and move out within thirty days, period.

Neither of your parents are acting responsibly, so it falls to you.

Who stays? Who goes? It sucks, but it’s your call.

The very fact that your parents (both of them) have cornered you into making this decision is something that you need to reflect upon. They are the ones being selfish and bratty by dumping this decision in your lap. Not you.

It’s seems you’ve surpassed the emotional maturity of your parents at the ripe old age of twenty, so from here on out you need to be ready to deal with this kind of shit.

I suggest you start off strong. Don’t let them manipulate you, and establish yourself early on as an adult whose decisions they have to respect.

Set a hard move-out date for your mom. Tell her you want her out in thirty days and enforce it with financial penalties. (Don’t worry, I have a feeling your dad would help you collect.)

As for your dad, tell him you plan to sell the house as soon as you graduate. It may look like a home, but you’re living in the bombed out remains of your parents’ mid-life crises, and it will always be an emotional distraction regardless of whether your mother has a room there.

If you like living there and don’t want to move, that’s fine. Still, don’t let your dad manipulate you with his money. By putting your name on the deed, he’s forced you to take on responsibility with no real authority.

Don’t get in the habit of letting people do that.

Anyways, welcome to adulthood.

Good luck, and be strong.

i’m an underachieving foreign student in your land.

my experiences in what i refer to as my highly selective spoiled nursery have included amongst other things the anticipated dissolution of a long high-school relationship, the usual case of post-teenage depression, jewish counselors and anti-depressants, frighteningly rapid yet steady weight gain, an inability to get out of bed without the help of marijuana, frequent use of said herb and other recreational pharmaceuticals and being on various kinds of residential and academic probations because of my blatant disregard for “fire safety” and film paper deadlines.

i’m self-aware enough to know that i am smart or i wouldn’t be here given the lack of substantive, meaningful academic work that i’ve done. all the people around me are rich hipsters in skinny jeans and scarves who sell carribean art, walk for cancer and make obscure pop culture references when they are not triple majoring in women’s studies, drama and religion and writing their thesis about cuban tobacco farmers. i on the other hand smoke a congratulatory spliff when i get out of my pajamas.

i’ve been kicked out of college before and had to take myself seriously before they let me back in. i know i want to be here because despite my problems with american foreign policy and the ridiculous TV commercials, i like apple pie, your serving sizes and being the popular, interesting, international kid.

i need to not drop out of college again and somehow break this self-perpetuating, self-destructive cycle. but i find it hard to strive for or even imagine a college-educated future with a job and an apartment and a car when there are drugs right here, right now. what do you say?

Just because you’re bored and have an accent doesn’t mean you’re suffering from ennui. You’re just a pretentious lazy fuck who likes to get high.

In the real world, no one cares if you “find it hard to strive” for anything. Either suck it up and pull your weight or watch the quality of your lifestyle disintegrate.

Ok, coke talk, here goes. I was dating a guy over the summer and I ended up taking some adult pictures that I sent to him. My face wasn’t in them, but they were pretty racy. Most of them were cheap cell phone shots, but a few were still kicking around my sent emails folder.I don’t regret it, I have great tits and am ok with showing people I trust. But the situation took a weird turn the other night.I am very close and hang out constantly with my best friend and her live in boyfriend of five years. In the past few months, the boyfriend and I have become very good friends independant of my best friend and he was someone I trusted and genuinely cared about. The other night I was at their place watching tv and I signed into my gmail on my bffs computer. At some point, I handed the boyfriend her computer to show him something and I never took it back or signed out of my gmail. I left about a half an hour later and on my way home, my blackberry started blowing up. Everytime I send a gmail from my account, a copy gets sent to my blackberry. I soon realized that the boyfriend had been trolling through my emails and sending himself the naked pictures of me. Now he would have really had to dug to find these so its not like they were on top of my inbox. I was incensed and immediately sent him a text relaying to him how fucked up this was and since then he has sent me half a dozen apology texts. I don’t know what to do. I’m so creeped out by it. I’m not worried about him showing other people, I’m worried about him jacking off to pictures of his girlfriends friend. He said he was drunk, but he wasn’t that drunk. I know I know, I shouldn’t have taken naked pics in the first place, but that’s kind of not the issue. I need to know how to handle this guy. Should I tell my friend (she cheats on him pretty regularly, but I think if she saw how much this upset me, she might break up with him) what do I do?!

He’s dead wrong for violating your trust, and he’s a fucking moron for getting busted and putting you in this awkward position. Still, it’s not a capital offense. If we’re being honest here, everybody snoops a little.

This is one of those situations that is as big a deal as you want to make it.

If you’re a whacked-out drama queen that thrives on chaos, you can scream bloody murder and pit your best friend against her boyfriend just to see how much shit you can stir up.

If you’re the manipulative type who enjoys secret evil plans, you can play your cards so that the boyfriend is forever under your thumb because you have evidence of a sexualized trust violation.

If you’re super easy-going and prefer to laugh things off, you can poke a little fun at him for jerking it to your naked pics as you accept his apology and forget it ever happened.

It’s your karma. How do you want to play it?

If I were you, I’d probably opt for being super easy-going with a little manipulation thrown in for safe keeping. No good will come from telling your friend while they’re still together. Wait until after she breaks up with him.

As for the creepiness factor, you really have to just laugh it off. After all, he’s fantasized about fucking you for years. It’s just what guys do. I guarantee you’re one of the girls he pictures in his head while fucking your best friend.

Those images have already been deposited into his spank bank. Not much you can do about that except learn your lesson about protecting your naughty pics.

I’m 18. I have had many experiences where I could have lost my virginity, but I haven’t yet because I am absolutely terrified of becoming emotionally attached to the guy. I don’t want this “connection” everyone talks about. I just want to get fucked. How can I lose my virginity without this happening?

Oh my god, who is filling your head with this ridiculous bullshit? I promise, his penis will not ejaculate a magical love potion. You will not suddenly become emotionally attached. It doesn’t work like that.

The “connection” that everyone is talking about probably refers to the neurophysiological response during orgasm that involves the hormone oxytocin.

Some call it the cuddle chemical, and theoretically it plays a role in pair bonding. Oxytocin may be responsible for giving you the warm and fuzzies after you cum, but don’t worry. It’s not going to make you fall in love, especially if you just want to get laid.

You’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about.

Happy fucking!