Dear Coquette,

I consider my really good friend one of the smartest people I’ve met. He is an aspiring poet and right now is teaching for a few years before getting his MFA. He told me recently that he intentionally tries to avoid learning (or at least any formal or in-depth learning) about both economics and philosophy, because he thinks ignorance in those fields will lead him to live a happier life. I think he might be right, but I can’t help think he is missing out on a lot of knowledge and truth about the world, even if it might make him unhappier. I guess he is free to do what he wants — do you have any thoughts about his choice?

An aspiring poet? What a gigantic asshole.

Listen, there’s nothing wrong with not being smart. We’re all born into this world with a certain amount of brains, and it’s perfectly fine not having the intellectual capacity to study economics or philosophy.

There’s also nothing wrong with having no interest in those fields, but that’s not what’s happening here. This guy is deliberately being lazy, and it’s disgusting for someone to intentionally avoid learning truths about the world because he thinks ignorance is bliss — especially someone with the brass balls to call himself a poet.

It’s bad enough when willful ignorance is the byproduct of some dogmatic belief system, but it’s absolutely repulsive when it’s a voluntary act by an intelligent person who just can’t be bothered.

Sure, he’s free to do what he wants, but this guy is an intellectual sloth not worthy of your respect.

Do you really believe in endings? I’m starting to think that there’s no such thing. What we consider an ending is actually just a transition into something different.

Of course I believe in endings. Life ends, my friend. One day yours will too, and as far as you’re concerned, it won’t matter much what happens to the rest of the universe after that, because there will be no “you” to experience it.

It’s fine if you want to incorporate conservation laws of mass and energy into your metaphysical belief system, and it’s fine if you want to imagine some sort of nebulous universal eternity, but you’re fooling yourself if you think it applies to you or your consciousness.

When it’s all said and done, dead is dead, and the only thing you’ll transition into is worm food.

I’m 21, and I feel like every time I think I get closer to “knowing myself better,” I’m actually wrong, and I need to start all over again. Why is my own identity so difficult to be understood by my own self?

You’re never starting all over again. It only feels that way because you think knowing yourself and acknowledging an identity are the same thing.

Dear Coquette,

My partner of three months recently broke up with me. His reason? He said he had feelings for his ex, and that we couldn’t be together anymore because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Well, I am pretty hurt regardless and I firmly believe the whole ex excuse was some lie to cover up the true reason.

I tried to continue in keeping myself in contact with him to figure out more details on why our relationship ended so abruptly, but I never received a response from him. He just closed the doors on me. Are you familiar with these type of break-up situations?

I just don’t understand. My parents accepted and adored him. We gave him everything. It was the perfect relationship, and I could tell he sincerely loved me.

Wow. I’m sorry to hear that your heart is broken, but that’s no excuse for this kind of behavior. You desperately need a fresh slap from reality, and I’m thinking the most efficient way to drill a clue through your thick skull is to share with you what your letter sounded like in my head.

The following is a direct translation of your own words from crazy talk into real talk. (Yes, I speak both fluently.) I hope this helps:

My spring fling, whom I dated for about as long as the first season of HBO’s “Girls,” recently broke up with me. His reason? He said he was done dating me, and that we couldn’t be together anymore because he was done dating me. Well, my feelings are hurt and I have a tendency to overanalyze things and then firmly believe whatever I want to believe.

I couldn’t take the hint, so I kept bugging him for more details on why he didn’t want to date me anymore, but I never could get him to take the bait. He knew well enough to ignore me. I’m not the only one this happens to, am I?

I’m clueless and in denial. My parents tell me whatever I want to hear. I feel like he still owes me. I have no idea what it means to be in a real relationship, and I obviously couldn’t tell how he really felt about me.

Dear Coquette,

No one will hire me. I’ve been applying for entry-level crappy barista and hostess jobs, and apparently no one thinks I’m competent enough to do a job a smart 6-year-old could do perfectly. Being a barista does not take skill. Smiling and showing people to a table does not require the degree that I’m in the middle of completing, yet no one wants me. Why?

You’re not getting hired because there are dozens of other people applying for the same jobs who are less of a bitch than you. Scoring an entry-level service industry gig isn’t about your competency. It’s about your attitude, and yours needs adjusting.

Drop the sense of entitlement. Employers can smell it on you before you walk in the door. One eye-roll within 50 feet of the interview, and you’ve already lost the job.

You’re not gonna get hired until you get humble, so get humble fast. Hell, you shouldn’t even have any pride to swallow. Show up shining, and be grateful just to be in the room.

If you’re not ready to hear me yet, that’s fine. Keep doing what you’re doing, because life has a way of beating this lesson into you eventually.

Do you believe all relationships between young people are bound to fail? I have been with my boyfriend for three years. He is my best friend and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. But we are only 17 and 18 and I will be going on to college soon (though it is less than two hours away and likely he will go to college there, too). Is this an irrational hope or could two teenagers grow up without growing apart?

You can certainly stay in each other’s lives, but that doesn’t mean you’ll stay a couple. Maybe you will. Odds are, you won’t. That’s okay, though. Just remember that your relationship isn’t a failure if you grow apart romantically.

You are first loves and childhood best friends. That will always count for something, even if the two of you eventually grow apart. Life is long, sweetheart. Five years from now your circumstances are going to be completely different. If your lives change together, that’s great. If not, that’s okay, too.

Yes, if you eventually break up it will be incredibly painful, but pain is inevitable. It’s all part of the journey.

Do you feel like it’s possible to live a happy life as a cynical person?

Sure. They say ignorance is bliss, but if you already know too much about the world, a healthy dose of cynicism (especially in the classical sense) actually helps with happiness.

Cynicism is basically just pragmatic skepticism. It’s not inherently negative, but it gets a bad rap because people often confuse it with the negative attitude that comes from ironic detachment. That’s not really cynicism. That’s just being an asshole.

Just don’t let any misanthropy get mixed in with your cynicism, and you’ll be fine. 

Dear Coquette,

I’m right in the middle of prime-time wedding age. At least three of my friends are engaged, and several co-workers and former classmates are also hitching up. My boyfriend and I have been together about four and a half years, yet I know we’re nowhere near ready for marriage. In spite of this acknowledgement, I can’t help but feel jealous of those getting married. Not so much for the wedding, but because I do want to marry my boyfriend, and I want to be at that point in our lives together. How do I come to terms with my life moving at its proper pace and not think that I’m being “left behind”? And what should I do about the pangs of jealousy I feel whenever wedding talk comes up?

You’ve been in a relationship for nearly half a decade with a man you know you want to marry, smack dab in the middle of prime-time wedding age. So, how exactly are you nowhere near ready for marriage?

It sounds to me like you’re ready as hell, but you’re suffering from a raging case of cognitive dissonance brought on by the simple fact that your boyfriend hasn’t popped the question.

Yeah, yeah. You’ve got a million reasons to explain why he hasn’t proposed, and they all seem very real to you. You’re convinced that it’s not feasible, that life has a “proper pace,” and that you’re not yet at the right point in your lives together. That’s all bullshit.

Quit fooling yourself. You’re envious of your engaged friends because they have something you want, and what you want is a fiancé. It’s perfectly okay to want that — most girls still do — but you need to be willing to admit it to yourself without all the excuses.

You are ready. If your boyfriend isn’t, then deal with it. If he can’t afford a ring, then wear a Cracker Jack prize. If a wedding doesn’t make sense right now, then enjoy a long engagement, but whatever you do, stop pretending that you’re not ready.

I’m 22 years old, and there is no sense in me being married. But when you’re about to witness three separate friends propose in the same season, you’ve been to two weddings already, and the amount of weddings you’ve been to for peers is already unreasonably high, do you just accept it and consider these occasions as parties or is it a sign to start figuring life out?

Whatever you do, don’t confuse getting married in your early 20s with figuring your life out. Contrary to what you’ve been taught about adulthood, those two things have very little to do with one another.

In fact, the part they never tell you growing up is that you’ll never figure your life out — not really — so by all means, party your face off while you’re still 22, especially at all your friends’ weddings.

I might have a chance to get a full-time job doing what I love, but if I take it, I won’t be able to finish college right now. I honestly can’t tell which is more important, finishing my degree, or employment in a field I adore.

Will forgoing a degree prevent you from future advancement in your chosen profession? If not, take the job and don’t look back. If so, you should still take the job, but just be prepared to go back and finish up your degree if necessary.

Bottom line, you’d be an idiot not to take the job.