I lost my virginity last night, i was drunk but remembered pieces. I always thought I would be one of those people that do it when theyre in love and it’s special, but it was quite the opposite. I don’t regret it but at the same time I feel strange. What do you think?

Hallmark should have a line of virginity themed cards right next to the ones for graduation, because this is a happy moment where your friends should buy you gifts and write your name on a cake. Congratulations!

Good for you for not regretting it, and even better that you set aside the immature notion of holding out for “special in-love” sex. Fairy tales are for little girls, and you’re a woman now.

As for the strange feeling, it’s a delicious cocktail of one part excitement, two parts confusion, and a little splash of shame. Enjoy it. You probably won’t feel it again until the first time you take it up the ass.

Happy fucking!

Okay so help me on this one…I decide to go over to lets just say…BOB’s house. We’re dating and he invites me over to watch movies. I go thinking that is all that would happen. He puts the movie in than immediately climbs on me and starts making out with me. I say ehh what the hell why the fuck not…It starts getting a bit heavy and he decides to ask me if he can go down on me. Now I was in the mood for that so I won’t bullshit and say I wasent but I wanted to put the brakes on that and just keep it pg13. Well he continues on asking and the making out is getting better. So here I am getting asked this shit and I just come out with it and ask.. “Do you have a condom?” I mean here he is wanting to do that and wants it in return .I knew in my head that it could either break or make the relationship but he says nah I don’t think we should have sex. So I right than and there feel like an idiot and he starts pinning me down with questions on why do I want to do it for and all this crap. Whats really up with this guy?

If a guy is willing to go down on you, he’s definitely willing to fuck you. The only logical reasons for him to change the subject when you suggest sex instead of oral is because he’s either too nervous to get it up, or he’s got a tiny dick.

(There are other reasons, but I doubt that he’s super religious, and I don’t want to freak you out by suggesting the highly unlikely possibility he’s hiding an STD.)

If you’ve seen his cock before, then it’s not the size issue. He probably just got a little stage fright and tried to deflect his anxiety by turning the conversation back onto you.

Thing is, a little stage fright at first can be good. It means the guy may actually like you, and it usually ends up with him going down on you for an hour and a half to compensate.

Just be very understanding, and make him start licking.

I’m sorry if you find this is poorly timed, but it sounds like you might have been thinking about it recently. How would you want to die?

As far into the distant future as possible.

well ok get naked and humble before God and all becomes very clear. life is a flash in the pan and then u die. So eat, drink and be merry. But do it wisely! Is that an oxymoron? Well for my money, I spent it all on wine women and song and the rest I squandered. As for Coke. The obvious reality is busfare to central America or even Colombia where the good shit is almost free. You can really talk nonsense for days and days. I am in Nicaragua in the mountains with a view like you have never seen with beautiful wood nymphs jumping to my every sexual whim. Southern Cal… No thanks. The real party is doing what you want when you want to. No calenders, clocks… of course poker online and cable TV an Oxford collection of classics. I am not crazy…

Be careful. I hear that Nicaraguan Jumping Wood Nymphs may seem domesticated, but you should always treat them like wild animals. You gotta respect those feral bitches. See you on the flip side, professor!

Is the name of your blog inspired by the hit classic, “Coke Talk” by Dame Grease? Or is that simply a coincidence?

Total coincidence. In fact, when I googled the name Dame Grease, I imagined she’d be some wild British groupie whore who used to bang Led Zepplin in the early 70’s.

Nope. He’s a hip hop producer.

God, I’m so fucking white sometimes.

What’s your favorite coke-addled activity?

Mine’s listening to pop music and talking non-stop about the past, and ridiculous theories on the future of the earth. All while standing around a mirror, pacing back and forth, never really going anywhere.

Also, I like watching Rome all gaked up.

Um, yeah. Huge fucking crush on Kevin McKidd. I bumped into him once at an ATM and drunkenly said, “Oh my god, it’s Lucius Vorenus!” Total rookie move. Not my finest moment.