I know I sound lazy, but I’m stuck on a story to write and need inspiration. What would make an interesting idea for a piece of short fiction?
Here is a random generator for plot, character, and conflict. If you’re feeling brave, click this link and build your story around whatever pops up.
The subject doesn’t matter. Anything can be interesting, so fuck inspiration.
Just write.
I’m always too paranoid that I’m going to fart or pee while I’m having an orgasm that I can’t let myself have a complete orgasm while having sex with my husband. Advice?
If you’re too embarrassed to fart or pee in front of your husband, then you deserve those half-assed orgasms. Get over your silly hang-ups about bodily functions. It’s okay for sex to get a little gross and/or hilarious. Go ahead and ruin the sheets.
Why do people get stuck in adolescence? It’s shit.
Yeah, but it’s shit without any accountability.
Are you still a virgin if you use a vibrator?
You’re still a virgin if you have to ask this question.
Why do I always feel bad about myself after I hook up with people at parties?
You were taught to be ashamed of your sexuality. Plus, you do stupid shit when you get fucked up.
Which Hitchens book should I gift an idealistic, twenty-something divorce lawyer?
Letters to a Young Contrarian
Why does Will Smith never age?
Black don’t crack. Everyone knows this.
Do you think world peace is possible?
Not at our current stage of sociocultural evolution.
Dying to know: What do you think about the HBO show Girls?
It does not get to have one of my opinions.
you’re such a cunt. I bet you’re fat and unlovable
Well, now I know your two greatest fears.
Why does everyone assume you’re a famous person?
Everyone doesn’t, but the ones who do tend to think that the only reason a person wouldn’t want fame is because they already have it.
Have you ever wanted kids? You’d be a good parent.
The thought of squeezing tiny humans out of my vagina truly horrifies me.
Where do I go as an atheist to confess? You’re the closest thing to a secular priest around here…
Confess to me if you like, but I can’t grant absolution. No one can do that for you but yourself.
There’s a man in my life that I’ve known for almost six years now & our relationship is complicated. He’s older than me by 20 years exactly (I’m in my 20’s), & until recently we were just good friends. Two years ago he said he was in love with me & has told me so several times since, as well as buying me various expensive gifts. We’ve never been sexually involved & we live on separate sides of the country, so we don’t see each other more than once a year. I do care about him as a friend & a person but I’m not in love with him & don’t have any desire to be with him. I’ve told him I don’t love him but he says that doesn’t matter & he loves me anyway. At this point I don’t know what to say, & I feel guilty that I don’t return his feelings. Any advice?
Both his age and the fact that you feel guilty for not returning his feelings are evidence that he is emotionally manipulating you. You need to take a step back and recognize that you are being inappropriately pressured.
You are in no way obligated to return his feelings. If you’ve made it clear that you don’t have any desire to be with him and he says it doesn’t matter, that means he is disrespecting you. Fuck that shit.
Stop allowing him to give you romantic attention. Definitely stop accepting gifts from him, and if necessary, return the gifts that he has already given you. I know it’s nice to get gifts and attention, but you can’t let that shit happen if you just want to be friends.
Be kind, but be firm. Let him know that you are not romantically available for reasons that should be plainly obvious. Your age, your distance, and your unrequited feelings make a relationship impossible, and if he can’t move on, then you may have to sever the friendship.
(Oh, and while you’re at it, stop using a damned ampersand when it’s just as easy to type the word “and.” Don’t be fucking lazy about the details.)
What is the best way to respond to a text message from a (hot) guy who’s been blatantly ignoring you but is now saying something along the lines of “I’m in your city. Come by and hang out with me while I spin tonight” (yes, he’s a dj. I know what you’re thinking) WWCTD?
Just tell him to put you plus however many friends you want to bring on the list, and that maybe you’ll come. If you wanna go, then go. If not, then fuck it. No big deal.
Don’t turn this into a stupid game. He’s a touring DJ. It’s not that he was ignoring you. You just weren’t in the right area code until tonight.
Please make a haiku
about never giving up
my strength is ebbing
Ebb and flow is the
natural movement of tides.
The moon always pulls.
This spring I’ll be graduating college. It’s taken 5 years, three degree changes and tens of thousands of dollars in loans before I found something I’m passionate about.
I’m slowly realizing I’m not passionate about it, though. I took it because it was easy and just thought-provoking enough to let me fool myself into thinking it was challenging. I feel like I’ve made a monumental mistake and am officially at a loss for what to do with my life. Thoughts?
Yep, you’ve made a monumental mistake. You’ve wasted five years and tens of thousands of dollars chasing what you thought was passion to earn a college degree that (if you’re lucky) will buy you a shitty entry level job where you can work your ass off for another five years trying to pay down those tens of thousands of dollars before one day in your late twenties it finally dawns on you that never, not once in your life, have you ever really been passionate about anything.
Of course, that part isn’t the monumental mistake. The monumental mistake is continuing to buy into the system. It’s believing you have to be passionate about some stupid college major, or that you feel like a failure because you haven’t mapped out exactly what you want to do with your entire life at an age when you’re barely qualified to answer phones and fetch coffee.
Fuck that shit. It’s perfectly okay to be clueless and terrified. The only wrong way to handle it is to freeze up and do nothing. The good news is that it doesn’t matter what you do with your life, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter what you studied in college. Just get the fuck out there and do something.
I don’t know how to say goodbye to her. We were together 2 years, it didn’t work out, and after a while despite feeling shitty about it I caved in to her constant nagging about keeping in touch. Now I regret doing so as I don’t see the point- we were never friends before our relationship and I am actually beginning to dislike her as a person. That being said she has been through a lot in her life- How do I say goodbye without hurting her feelings?
There is no pleasant way to say goodbye, but if you’ve already broken up with her, you shouldn’t have to.
Remember, you’re not responsible for her feelings, nor are you obligated to keep in touch. It doesn’t matter how much she’s been through in her life. Part of breaking up with someone is that you no longer make yourself available for emotional support.
You simply need to stop making yourself available, and you don’t owe her an explanation beyond the fact that the relationship is over.
Was recently told that I have the sex drive of a 45 year old woman with 4 kids, because it’d been 3 days since we fucked and “other 24 year olds want to have sex every day.” Sex advice, if you will, Coquette.
You don’t need sex advice. (I’m assuming you know how to have sex.) What you need is a sexual partner who isn’t a gigantic asshole.
Don’t put up with a guy who insults you when he doesn’t get his way, and don’t ever let anyone pressure you into having sex when you’re not in the mood.