Coquette, the Ugandan government is officially going to pass the “Kill The Gays” bill — and I don’t know why, but I’m completely torn up and in tears about it. How can I even accept, as a gay man, that this shit goes on in the world?

Acknowledge it, but don’t accept it. Also, understand this shit for what it is. The Ugandan Anti-Homosexuality Bill is the life’s work of one man, David Bahati. Surprise, surprise. He’s a Christian evangelical nut bag. As per usual, organized religion is at the root of the problem.

Don’t worry, though. This shit won’t stand. Fearmongering fucks like Bahati are always on the wrong side of history. Ignorance never wins, progress is always slow, and sometimes a step backward is necessary to take a big leap forward.

It’s easy to say we should all “come together” now that your vote has been cast and our country is being led by a bunch of left-wing socialist imbeciles. What you don’t understand is that in our democratic society YOUR VOTE DIRECTLY EFFECTS ME AND MY MONEY. So, fuck you…. We will not “come together.” I want to shove your idiotic ideology down your throat and I hope you get EXACTLY what you voted for (you socialist piece of shit).

Mmm, delicious. More please.

Dear Coquette,

So, one of my best guy friends is married. He has a great relationship with his wife, and we’re all part of a group of friends that hang out together. The other day I left a comment on one of his Facebook pics. The comment was, “Aww, love ya!” He deleted the comment and later, when I was curious why this had happened, I was told by his wife that I had “disrespected their marriage.” (He did not tell me this. She did.) That was really upsetting to hear from my closest guy friend. I told her that no one’s trying to disrespect her marriage and that she needs to slow her roll. I wasn’t sure if it was her insecurities or perhaps her sense of superiority for “being married” but I feel she should know better than to accuse a close friend of such nonsense over a comment on a picture. To be clear, I have never found her husband even remotely attractive and I am into my own boyfriend. I realize there are two sides to this, but tell me: Who’s right?

Neither of you are right. She’s a hypersensitive twit with larger trust issues in her marriage, and you’re a self-absorbed drama queen who takes this kind of trivial crap personally when it’s not even really about you.

Both of you should delete your Facebook accounts and go volunteer at a soup kitchen together, but since that’ll never happen, at the very least, quit bickering over petty nonsense like a couple of high school sophomores.

I hate my mother’s boyfriend. He’s verbally and emotionally abusive. He’s lived in my house for years now, and he’s not moving out any time soon. He treats me like dirt and my mom just turns the other cheek or makes excuses. I wouldn’t want her complaining if I had a boyfriend that she didn’t like, but still, what do I do?

If you had a boyfriend that was abusive to your mom, you can be sure she would complain. More importantly, she wouldn’t tolerate a boyfriend who treated you like dirt. The same rules should apply in reverse.

This isn’t about liking your mom’s boyfriend. It’s about allowing him to disrespect you. He doesn’t get to do that, and you sure as hell shouldn’t let your mom make excuses for him. Make sure she knows that his abusive behavior is unacceptable. She doesn’t get to pick him over you.

Remember, you’re family. He’s not. Ultimately, he’s disposable. You’re not. If your mom is too weak or selfish to deal with the situation on your behalf, show her what a backbone is by dealing with it yourself. Don’t complain. Simply demand respect.

I’m hooking up with this guy and I know that he’s with other girls. The thing is I’m not with any other guys and it feels uneven. After we hook up I feel so lonely and like I don’t mean anything. I know those feelings are mine, not anything he’s given me, but still. What should I do?

Stop hooking up with him.

Wow, nice vitriolic, angry response to that last question right after the letter about not letting our politics ‘come between us’ and putting divisiveness aside.

The more I read your words, Coquette, the more I realize how hypocritical and judgmental you can really be – and that’s incredibly disappointing. I’ve been a fan of yours for years, so I’ve witnessed your progress toward negative, holier-than-thou sanctimonious crap. And while I’m sure your instinctive response is how I’m too much of a ‘simple bitch’ or whatever to understand the complexities of your argument or some shit like that, maybe you should pause before you write me off like you do everyone else.

I used to respect your opinion as one both educated and unbiased, but frankly, the more I read you these days the more childish and up your own ass your thoughts sound. What once seemed confidence and knowledge now read like peacocking and presumption.

So here’s some unsolicited advice from a fellow bitch: maybe you should think a little more about what you’re saying, because you’ve got a lot of eyes watching these days, and your anonymity shouldn’t be used as a platform for thoughtless bullshit.

Damn, girl. Take a deep breath and slow your roll. Go re-read that last response. It wasn’t angry at all, and the only thing vitriolic is you.

I appreciate that you’ve been a longtime fan, but I think your memory is a little bit hazy. Go back to the archives. I’ve always been a shit talker. I’ve never been unbiased, and if anything, I’ve mellowed out over the years.

You’re obviously angry about something. Maybe it’s the election. Maybe someone in your life is making you feel small. Maybe you just had a shitty morning, but whatever it is, it sure as hell ain’t about me.

Do yourself a favor and try to let go of whatever disappointment you’re feeling. That shit is useless, and it will ruin your Sunday.

I read your piece on red state/blue state relations and I agree with you. My problem is as a multi-racial, atheist, feminist, gay man in my mid twenties, I find it very hard to give respect where I feel such little respect is given to me. These are obviously only parts of my identity and there is more to me as a person, but these things are pretty fundamental to my person. Is there a way to be able to respect the people who are wholly against me on a personal level?

Sure, you can respect people without respecting their world view, but that shit takes a lot of enlightened patience, and I don’t recommend doing it unless you’re forced to spend time with certain folks due to geography or genealogy.

But hey, why make it about respect? Fuck ‘em. You don’t need their respect. You shouldn’t waste any negative emotion taking red state ignorance personally. Don’t make it about you or your identity. Save your energy for when you need to defend your civil and cultural liberties. That’s the hard line to draw.

The red staters can believe whatever backwards bullshit they want. What they can’t do is use their laws or their customs to try and force their beliefs onto you.

It surprises me that you’re against the death penalty. If someone’s 100% WITHOUT A DOUBT guilty, why not kill them and use our taxes elsewhere?

Okay, now you’re just trolling, but still:

1. The state should not have the right to kill its citizens.

2. Ending the death penalty will save tax dollars.

3. Go fuck yourself for even asking this question.

Why so against Proposition 37? Is it really such stupid hippie shit to want to know what’s in your food? Monsanto, Pepsico and other huge agribusiness interests have spent millions trying to convince voters that it is. It surprised me that someone as seemingly intelligent, liberal and politically well-informed as yourself would agree with them, implicitly disagreeing with the law professor (Stanford, UC Berkeley) who wrote the bill. There’s not really any reasonable argument against letting people know what it is they’re eating.

Also, other states can go ahead and make fun of California all they damn well please, if it makes them feel just a little bit better about the fact that they’re not California. This progressive hippie shit is what makes our state great. (Then again, I guess you do live in LA, and you’re probably a transplant. Fuck the Dodgers, by the way.)

Yeah, yeah. Fuck Monsanto and fuck the Dodgers, but also fuck you and your passive-aggressive use of the word “seemingly.” I call bullshit when I see it, and Prop 37 is stupid hippie bullshit.

Show me some good science that says a particular strain of genetically modified food has more allergenic or carcinogenic properties than its unmodified counterpart, and I’ll tell you to slap a label on products that use that particular strain. Is that what Prop 37 hopes to achieve? Fuck no. It’s not really about food safety. It’s about a political agenda.

Lumping all genetically modified foods into the same pile and slapping a warning sticker on them like they’re fucking cigarettes is just a ham-fisting scare tactic. It doesn’t provide hard data to help you think. It provides a soft label to help you feel. It’s a left-wing version of how the assholes at Fox News use the word “socialist,” and it’s total bullshit.

All that being said, I don’t care whether Prop 37 passes. It’s stupid, but who gives a fuck? The only proposition that really matters is Prop 34, so whatever else you do tomorrow, vote yes to end the death penalty.

I was raped as a child and spent about ten years battling depression, heroin addiction and sex work. I have semi got my shit together recently but I feel a wall between me and other people as I feel I am keeping ‘the real me’ from them if they don’t know this. Though I wouldn’t want to be thought of us a just this, so why do I let it define me? Do I have to tell people this? Am I being deceptive? I feel that if I was in a relationship with a guy and he found out, he might possibly not want to be with me any more and so that makes me feel like I must tell people to find out if they really like me for me. Please help. Even just a sentence, I have never felt so alone.

Don’t tell people about your past to find out whether they really like you. That’s not fair. If you choose to tell someone about your history of trauma, it should be an act of intimacy, not a test of loyalty.

Remember, you are not your past. Your past is nobody’s fucking business unless you want it to be. You don’t have to say shit about shit. That’s not being deceptive. It’s merely being private.