Is it okay to start drinking strawberry and lime cider at half 9 in the morning because im bored?
Strawberry and lime cider? Am I big in Sweden or something? Are you fucking twelve?
If you’re going to get hammered for breakfast, at least have the dignity to do it with real alcohol. Whiskey. Vodka. Beer if you must.
Unless you’re poolside with Truman Capote, no self-respecting day drinker would ever tie one on with a fizzy drink where more than one fruit is involved.
What are your feelings on the recent oil spill? Whose fault do you think it is?
I don’t have any feelings on the recent oil spill. Sure, I realize intellectually that it is a devastating event with dire environmental and economic consequences, but I’m an out-of-sight-out-of-mind kind of person. I don’t live on the gulf coast, and I can’t fake outrage.
It’s not that I’m shallow or callous. I’m just burned out on righteous indignation at the moment. I’m not politically invested in any of the players, and I don’t have any expert knowledge to offer on how to fix the problem. This isn’t my fight.
Also, assigning blame is stupid. This was a systemic failure. No one man, corporate subsidiary, or governmental bureau is to blame. I’m tired of the left wing screaming at big oil and the right wing screaming at the current administration. It’s no more the CEO of BP’s fault than it is Obama’s. Just fix the fucking problem already.
I will say this, though. If Kevin Costner’s magical ocean centrifuge can clean all the oil out of the gulf, I will forever forgive him for his entire movie career.
I miss when you answered a lot of quality questions, as well as blogged with frequency.
Yeah. Me too. I’ve been distracted. It’s hard to give a shit about the petty grievances of mostly retarded strangers when my own world is a bit topsy-turvy.
I’m pretty sure I’ll be back soon.
My relationship with a coworker has gone from a buddy movie quality friendship to a bad romantic comedy of long looks and “chance” run-ins on our days off. We’re not sleeping together, but something is clearly happening here.
Fact: he’s married, and I think of him as a mentor. Bad fact: I absolutely want to fuck him, and he’s made it pretty clear that he wants to fuck me, too.
What happens now? Do I find a new job? Do I try to shift our friendship back into the normal zone? Do I fuck him and then get a new job?
HELP!
He’s a married coworker. What the fuck? Are you just hoping that I’ll call you names?
Have some fucking decency. Have some self-control. Unless you get the wife’s permission, you don’t fuck a married man. Unless you don’t care about your career, you don’t fuck your mentor at work.
A little flirting is fine, but make sure that shit is harmless. You’re forbidden fruit to this guy. Keep it that way. Unless he wants to celebrate your promotion by having a threesome with his wife, you should never fuck this guy.
I get the feeling that you’ll tell it to me straight if I need it (or at least make me laugh and climb out of my little shame spiral): moving up a marriage (a for-real love one, whatever that means) a couple of years for the sake of citizenship. Stupid, or REALLY stupid?
You seem eager for me to condemn you, but I don’t know enough of the details to launch into a judging spree. Why are you in a shame spiral? Are you the husband-to-be, the-wife-to-be, and/or the citizen-to-be?
I don’t suppose it matters, really. If you and your partner are both consenting adults who want to get married for the sake of citizenship, go right ahead. You’re not fucking up my credit score, so mazel tov.
It’s as legitimate a reason to get married as any these days. I guess it’s a bonus that you’re in love, although watch out. Love is the stuff that will fuck up an otherwise perfectly good arrangement down the road.
Oh, and remember, just because you feel the need to move up the marriage, that doesn’t mean you need to move up the wedding. Sign the forms for the sake of the lawyers, but celebrate your vows on your own terms. Don’t let bureaucratic bullshit dictate when you have your big day.
Should I be embarrassed about sleeping with whatever guy at work I feel like fucking? I’ve already nailed two of them but there’s at least one more I intend on conquering.
Should you be embarrassed? Perhaps if you were caught fucking on the copier at work, but don’t confuse embarrassment for guilt.
Morons and sociopaths often don’t know the difference, but embarrassment requires that your socially unacceptable behavior be revealed to others in some undignified manner, whereas guilt is what you feel internally for knowing that you’ve done wrong.
I’m not saying that fucking guys at work is necessarily wrong, but it’s usually a bad idea. Plus, it says a lot about your character that you want someone like me to give you the thumbs up to shit where you eat.
Honestly, I don’t care whether you’re embarrassed or guilty. It’s your career and it’s your reputation. Do what you want with both.
I love/hate you. What’s wrong with me?
Nothing. To know me is to love/hate me.
What do you do when you can’t go out?
Myself.
Can anybody hear me?
Yes. Better question: does anybody care?
Should i quit my job?
Go find another one first.
Vet school or medical school?
Medical school.
Thong or boy shorts?
Boy shorts.
TLC or Destiny’s Child?
The Supremes.
Would you suck my penis?
Leave me alone, Tiger Woods.
The sex was so good he said, “I love you,” even when he didn’t mean it.
He meant it, but he was talking to your pussy.
Any tips for an aspiring male bartender?
Shut up and pour my drink.
What do you think of people who shoplift?
Petty crime is for petty people.
What do you think of girls making the first move?
Somebody’s gotta do it.
Why can’t I stop getting myself piss drunk to seek male attention?
We’ve been over this. You hate yourself.
If you had herpes, how would you carry on your life?
With a Valtrex prescription and a warning label.
Should burquas be banned?
No. They should just fall out of fashion.
After checking my boyfriend’s browsing history on his laptop (I know I shouldn’t!), I found out that he likes to look mainly at picture of girls with “big naturals.” And by that I mean BIG—like 36FFF and shit like that. I’m a typical B cup. He says he thinks I’m sexy, my tits are great, and we have great sex. But I can’t get this out of my head! What should I do?
Stop checking your boyfriend’s browsing history.
Does drunk cuddling constitute a form of cheating? And if not, why do I feel so guilty about it?
Oh, Bambi. You feel guilty because you consider cuddling to be an act of intimacy, and so it feels like cheating when you do it drunkenly with someone other than your partner.
Good for you for being all adorable and having a conscience about the whole thing, but remember that innocence is lost in inches.
How would you go about suggesting and then initiating a threesome? i have a girlfriend that’s told me she wants to party one night and “have a lesbian moment.” also, her boyfriend is sexy and has stated in the past that he finds me desirable as well, and has made comments about how hot it would be if me and his gf had some fun together (big surprise). i think that with enough liquid courage (and enlightening drugs) that i can play this situation to my favor. your thoughts?
Propose a threesome date night. Let them take you out as a couple. Be playful about it — dinner, drinks, the whole routine.
It’ll start out cheeky and kind of innocent, but as the night progresses let things get more and more sexy. Flirt with them. Let them flirt with you.
I know it seems kind of silly, but trust me. A date night lets everyone get comfortable with the reality of what’s going to happen at the end of the evening.
Once you’re sure that everyone wants it to happen, don’t be afraid to act as master of ceremonies. Take them back to your place, crack open a bottle of wine, and start making out with them.
They’ll be ready for it.