Author Archives: CQ

Best-Of Advice

On the future

I just wanted to say thank you for writing dearcoketalk. Yes, it’s maybe what I spent the majority of last night doing… but fuck, it was good. I’ve never done coke before, but when I read your writing, I feel like I’m doing lines of high-quality blow. I get this subtle rush that edges in and realize fuckyeah, life is awesome. Having only done methylone and some psychedelics, I’m only a baby on the drug scene (and only recently started reading up on erowid.) However, from reading your writing, I can tell that coke has quiet effect that sneaks up on you; it covers you and gives you this comfortable yet much needed kick in the ass. I don’t think I’m disciplined enough to actually do coke in real life (I’d get addicted so quickly and become an abuser instead of a user), but I’ll sustain myself with your writing until I can gain self control.

When I read your writing, I remember that there’s this gigantic world out there, so many shiny things to fuck with, and so much shit I can leave my bloody fingerprints all over. I curse more. I think “so what if that happens? At least I did it!” more. I remember what it’s like to be bold and ballsy. I don’t mean all of this in a carpe diem sense, but in a “I’m a thinking person who is fucking ALIVE and can DO STUFF.” Not only do I have thoughts but also I have actions. Those two together are a powerful combination. I know I’m being a bit Captain Obvious right now, but sometimes, the daily grind of life makes me forget that and it’s nice being reminded.

No, I wouldn’t live by your philosophy with 100% purity, but reading your tumblrs makes me realize how much of a pussy cat I’ve been. I’m turning 21 soon and as I look back on 20, I think wow, what an unremarkable year. Yes, it was a good year, but what did I learn? Did I even feel anything? Am definitely going to imbibe some coketalk into 21. I want one or two fearless stories that would make coketalk proud. And I want to read more books and do more shit and just be fucking alive. Not alive in a reckless teenager way but in a thoughtful manner in which I can look back and be proud of.

So thank you for writing again. Reading your entries is like the kick in the ass I need to remember that this is my life and I should grab it by the balls and fuck there’s so much out there to be done. You’re not exactly my role model, but fuck, your writing inspires me to go do shit and be more exciting. Again, the best way I can describe it…. is that it’s like doing coke. Thank you thank you thank you and please keep writing.

Consider yourself lucky. You’re about to spend your twenties in a century entering its teens.

This past decade was a cultural wasteland devoid of any significant artistic or technological breakthrough, a mini dark ages begging for renaissance.

For ten fucking years, our entire country missed the point. We were supposed to eat, drink, and be merry. Instead, everyone got fat, hungover, and riddled with anxiety.

A few of us pagans managed to carry the torch, lit with chemicals and fuck all, and we can’t wait to see what you kids do when we hand it off, because we know you’re ready, and we can taste the impending social revolution like metal in our mouths.

It’s time to have fun again. It’s time for a new school. It’s time for some god damned vision, because something big is coming, and if we’re lucky it won’t be a world war.

It’s as if this country’s fate and culture are hot blooded lovers poised on the verge of an outburst, ready to tear each other apart, and neither one knows whether it will be fighting or fucking.

Either way, some furniture is getting broken.

Exciting times ahead.

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Advice

On party tips.

“If you wanna know how to whip up a holiday batch of ketamine using peppermint extract, or about proper finger etiquette when sticking ecstasy up a friend’s ass, then sure — I’m your girl.”

Ooh, go ahead with these, please.

Not to be all Martha Stewart or anything, but if you add a splash of peppermint extract to your liquid ketamine before cooking it down to powder, it’s pretty much like inhaling christmas. Obviously peppermint is seasonal, but vanilla extract works fabulously as well.

As for finger etiquette, be sure to push the ecstasy tab as far up your friend’s ass as possible. No long nails, and do your best to make it one smooth motion. A little lube is fine, but be quick about it. Pills tend to disintegrate the second they hit astroglide.

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Advice

On making a new frenemy.

My boyfriend has been friends with this girl since they were children. They dated once when they were much younger but she cheated on him and needless to say things didn’t work out. She flirts with him in front of me and is passive-aggressively a bitch to me. I tell him this bothers me. He doesn’t seem to notice her antics and claims I’m being jealous. I say I don’t want to be around her so he thinks I’m tearing him away from his friends. I don’t think he would ever cheat on me but I don’t understand why there is this undying loyalty to this girl. What I really want to do is just backhand her to the ground. Does a situation like this cause for these measures or is there something else I can do?

If your instinct is to backhand her to the ground, the bitch is winning. Quit letting her get to you.

Recognize that you’re feeling jealous. Admit that you’re feeling threatened. Let that shit wash over you, and then let it go.

Just ignore her. Better yet, kill her with kindness and make a new frenemy. Beat her at her own game. It will impress your boyfriend and drive her crazy at the same time.

Remember, you’re the one he’s with now. Not her. As long as you don’t let her get to you, you’ve already won.

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Advice

On teenage flirting

Im 15, and it seems to be that all of a sudden every new guy I meet and even old friends are starting to view me as a sex object. Guys that used to talk to me about their girlfriends and ask me about my day are starting to ask me for nudes. I actually feel like I havent had a non-sexual conversation with a male of my age in quite awhile. Except one. He’s immature and awkward, but I can tell he has a little thing for me. He happens to be the one I like best. If I have such an easy time getting other guys to hit on me, what is going on with this one? Can you maybe give me a quick fix on how to open up a flirty conversation with him and start the relationship going in a romantic direction? Cuz it doesnt seem like Im having a problem with anyone else! (Btw, wtf at everyone suddenly trying to jump my bones. Im totally loving it and Im not complaining, it was just so sudden!)

You grew tits, sweetie. Don’t act all surprised that boys want to fuck you.

Also — and I have to remind my teenage readers every once and awhile — I’m really not the person you want to be passing a note in study hall. I’m a coked up L.A. party girl, not Judy fucking Blume.

If you wanna know how to whip up a holiday batch of ketamine using peppermint extract, or about proper finger etiquette when sticking ecstasy up a friend’s ass, then sure — I’m your girl. As for flirting with fifteen year olds, I don’t know what to tell you.

The best I can do is suggest that you stick to the basics: always laugh at his jokes, don’t be afraid to initiate physical contact, and do your best to ignore his erection during casual conversation.

Other than that, just don’t get knocked up.

(Also, hold off on sharing nudes. Last I checked, emailing a camera phone pic of your underage rack still counted as a federal fucking crime.)

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Advice

On three little words.

I (31 yrs old) told my partner (23 yrs old) of 2+ months yesterday that I love him (because I do). He didn’t reciprocate the verbalization, but he acted very happy- smiling from ear to ear, hugging me, laying on top of me, making out, etc. When asked, he said that it didn’t freak him out and that everything’s fine; i have nothing to worry about.

While he hasn’t yet said the words “i love you” to me, has has called me “lover, love” in text messages and emails. He’s very affectionate and seems very VERY into me.

My question to you: Is it a big deal when one partner doesn’t feel ready to drop the “L” word when the other one does?

Nope, not a big deal. It’s just a word. In fact, it’s better that he’s emotionally honest enough not to drop it out of some misaligned sense of semantic obligation.

You would have sensed if it threw things off balance. It didn’t, which most likely means he’s well on his way, but just not there yet.

There’s no rush. Savor this phase in your relationship. It’s a heady mix of novelty and vulnerability.

The day will come when every phone call ends with “I love you too.” I’m not saying the coffee gets stale, but it never tastes quite as good as freshly ground.

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Advice

On one step at time.

Turning drunken sex into a meaningful, life-long partnership – is it as hard as it looks?

Sounds sarcastic, but jesus it’s a real problem, you know?

Drunken sex? Hell, turning anything into a life-long partnership is hard.

Quit looking for the person you want in the grave next to you, and just find somebody you don’t mind mind waking up in the bed next to you.

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Advice

On bitterness.

Best way to start dating again if still bitterly single from last meaningful relationship? And don’t say tequila, xanax or drunken sex.

How ‘bout you lose the attitude?

It doesn’t matter how much of an asshole your ex was. You are responsible for your own emotional state. It’s your own fault if you’re bitter. Get over it.

If you’re packing all this emotional baggage, don’t even bother dating. It’s a waste of everyone’s time.

(Especially without tequila, xanax, or drunken sex.)

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