How does a girl compete with the XBox 360?

My boyfriend ignores me all the time. We get home from work and he immediately heads for the couch and stays on it long after I go to bed.

We had a daughter about 2 years ago, so in the beginning my libido was none existent, but that’s changed. I’m back in my size 2 jeans, you can barley see any stretch marks and I’m not ugly.

I try to initiate sex, I try to get him off the XBox and his response is “Babe! Your making me die” Seriously WTF is that?! Mastubating is not as good as the real deal. So what’s a girl to do?

Stretch marks and an Xbox addicted babydaddy? You are living my nightmare.

Listen, you picked this guy. Normally I’d tell you to suck it up and deal with the consequences of your stupid life choices, but for the sake of your daughter, I’m gonna ignore my bitchier instincts and throw you a bone here.

In situations like this one, your daughter is what’s known as “leverage.” As long as your boyfriend wants to be a part of her life, you have positional advantage to affect his behavior. I suggest you use it.

For your daughter’s sake, for his sake, really, for America’s sake, I want you to take that Xbox out to an empty field and smash it with a fucking baseball bat. Remember the fax machine scene from Office Space? Yeah. Do that. Go crazy.

Your child will not be raised in a house with video games. It’s as simple as that. Never forget, you are well within your rights and duties as the mother of the house to lay down the motherfucking law.

Sure, he’ll be pissed. He’ll be furious, but what’s he gonna do? Not fuck you? Right. You’re already used to that. Let him throw a tantrum like the child he obviously is. Too bad. It’s time for him to grow the fuck up.

And don’t listen to any of his man-of-the-house bullshit about “after a long, hard day at work…” He’s not out grabbing a beer with the guys to blow off a little steam. He’s a lazy sack of shit parked on the sofa playing video games instead of spending time with his family.

If he wants to be the man of the house, then he needs to put away childish things, and you know what? Now that he’s a father, he’s obligated to grow up.

That’s how you compete with an Xbox, sweetie. You don’t even allow it a place in your home.

I’d appreciate it if you could elaborate on your perspective on playing/being hard to get.

To quote you, you say that playing hard to get works on boys, being hard to get works on men, but you always draw a distinction between being hard to get and impossible to get.

1) What practical difference is there between consciously holding back to stoke interest in a lover, and unconsciously holding back if they both serve the same ends?

2) Is playing/being hard to get even a legitimate tactic in romantic relationships? Isn’t appealing to someone’s desire for what they can’t have just a matter of ego rather than a substantial bond between two people built on mutual affinity?

3) you can’t be naturally hard to get AND consciously making sure you’re not too hard to get. You’ve contradicted yourself.

Everything about your question — all of it — falls squarely into the category of playing hard to get. You have yet to even grasp the concept of being hard to get.

Being hard to get isn’t a tactic. It has nothing to do with conscious or unconscious action. It just fucking is.

Stop thinking about it. Let it go. I know you want me to elaborate on the distinction, but until you start getting zen about this shit, it’s only going to frustrate you.

(Sometimes I wish I could end these things with the sound of a gong.)

What are your feelings on the sex crazed culture facing the teens of today?

1. I don’t accept your premise that our culture is sex crazed, nor that sexuality in general is something that must be “faced” in any adversarial way.

2. Fuck the teens of today. They’ve got it great. Anybody who thinks otherwise doesn’t understand the cyclical nature of society.

I’m early-thirties, single, good-looking, about to become fairly wealthy from a hot start-up.

I’m trying to break out of my pattern of relationships. Typically I’ll be single for a couple years, some girl that I’m not really into will express some interest and I’ll go on a date to be a good sport, if I’m lonely or desperate I’ll sleep with them and then find myself attached to someone I’m mostly bored by. Then I get sick of it and dump them and it’s a big mess.

It’s not that I can’t approach girls; I just never seem to meet any decent ones who are single. In fact, I can’t even recall the last time I met one. They all seem to have boyfriends — and hell, that makes perfect sense, why wouldn’t a cute, interesting chick have a boyfriend?

The only answer I can come up with is that such girls are /never/ single, they just date a guy until someone better comes along. A friend of mine called that “monkeys swing from trees.” If that’s the case, the only logical course of action is to go ahead and consider girls-with-boyfriends fair game. And that’s sleazy.

About to become wealthy, eh? Well then, your pattern of relationships is gonna change anyway, so I’ll go ahead and skip over this bland question and answer the one you’re guaranteed to have in about a year.

So yeah, instead of boring, not-quite-decent girls occasionally expressing interest in you, your dance card is about to be full of fascinating, attractive women who crave your attention.

Yes, it’s the money.

Your question will be, “How can I tell if they’re really interested in me as a person, and not just enamored with the lifestyle I can provide them?”

Judging by the way you already think of relationships, I can tell you’re already pretty terrified of this. Guys who are looking for a “decent” woman tend to have a massive madonna-whore complex, and when money gets thrown into the mix, it’s a recipe for an unhealthy dynamic.

The trick will be finding your equal, whatever that means to you. Stop looking for a decent girl, and start looking for your equal.

When you’re looking for a decent girl, you’re using an external set of criteria upon which to judge her character. When you’re looking for your equal, you’re using an internal set of criteria. It’s a subtle distinction, but it makes all the difference in the world.

Oh, and if she flinches at a pre-nup, run for the hills.

I’m a screamer, and nothing is more infuriating than being told my passion is “too loud” and being tossed something to bite on. What do you suggest I do or say the next time he tells me to keep it down?

How about you try being considerate of those around you and just shut the fuck up? You’re waking up the neighbors, bitch. Nobody wants to hear you cum.