What made you think the asker from “On College Girls” was as bad as the girls she described?

Are you kidding? She’s a persnickety twit with a victim mentality who was hoping I would validate her secret desire to be a mean girl.

No doubt her roommates are selfish, snarky bitches, but I guarantee she’s the most passive-aggressive of the three.

So I live in a house with a bunch of girls at school but the two who I share a floor with are kind of raging bitches. One of them is a selfish mess, she lacks the capacity to think of anyone but herself and has put the whole house in danger from her careless actions (left stove on, leaves door unlocked…etc) and I’m always forced to clean up after her. The other one has just always been snarky and has this attitude that “people who are nice don’t have backbones”. Both of these girls have that kind of attitude, they crave attention from people who are cruel to them and are awful to people who are nice to them in a painfully passive aggressive way. I survived last semester (barely) by cleaning up after them and generally being their doormat. I can be mean when I have to but..I am generally a nice person and I am actually I guess afraid to start issues with them because when I have tried to be straightforward with them in the past they just attack me in a passive aggressive bitchy way and act like they aren’t angry with me while making rude comments. I am DREADING going back to school (this is also my final semester so I’d like it to be a good one) and I’ve been thinking maybe I should just be mean to them because it seems like they want that attention. Basically I don’t really know how to deal with these people for three and a half more months without being constantly irritated by their behavior and presence. Is there a way?

You’re just as bad as they are, sugar tits.

A year ago, I was in a very healthy relationship, with a man I considered to be my best friend. We never argued, we shared the same thoughts on life, everything was great. Then suddenly, the sex stopped. We somehow got into the ‘friend zone’. So I did what I do best, I fucked it all up by sleeping with someone else. By the time I realized the error of my ways, I got caught. My boyfriend was so hurt, he moved to another state and only recently started responding to my text. Even when he does respond, most of his comments involve the word ‘whore’ and ‘bitch’. Is this a hopeless cause or is it worth trying to salvage?

You were never in a healthy relationship. You say you were, but you don’t even know what a healthy relationship is.

The sex stopped for a reason. You cheated for a reason. You got caught for a reason, and your boyfriend left you for a reason. The worst part is that you don’t have a fucking clue what the real reasons are.

Your boyfriend didn’t move to another state because of you. You didn’t cheat because the sex in your relationship suddenly stopped, and the sex sure as hell didn’t stop because things were so damned great.

You’re basically wrong about everything. I don’t have enough information to speculate about all your underlying issues, but one thing I am sure of is that this is definitely a hopeless cause.

Move the fuck on. Get some distance, try a little introspection, and learn as much from this mess as you can.

I really doubt you’ll answer this question, but I’d love to know what you think. I am dating a man who in a few weeks will move to Texas to be in the Army, while I stay in Ohio. He claims he loves me and cares about me, but is unsure about a long distance relationship, for fear that he doesn’t know where his life will be when he’s excused from the Army. He doesn’t want to lose me, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship while he’s still in the Army. What’s a girl to do?

Enjoy your last few weeks together, and then end things when he moves to Texas. It’s better to move on and remember each other fondly than to prolong the inevitable with a half-assed attempt at a long distance relationship.

I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 58. He’s not particularly wealthy and I’m not a gold digger. We are both attractive and fully capable of getting people our own age; we just happen to love each other. Most importantly, we’re extremely happy. From where I’m standing, our ages rarely even cross my mind. But occasionally, even in the midst of our bliss, I wonder if there’s something wrong with such a huge age gap. Any thoughts?

Oh please, you don’t just “happen” to love each other. Your relationship isn’t the whimsical result of coincidence. It takes a history of chaos and a metric fuck ton of emotional imbalance for a teenager and a senior citizen to fall in love, so quit acting like this was all some big romantic accident.

You are using this relationship as a blissful bubble to shield you from a shitstorm of unresolved issues from your (recent) childhood. He is using this relationship to further his denial as an emotionally crippled man-child with a raging case of Peter Pan syndrome.

What’s worse is that you tell yourself is that you’re fully capable of getting people your own age. Bullshit. You are both no more capable of being in healthy, age-appropriate relationships than you are of recognizing your own psychological damage.

I’m not saying this to shit on your happiness. Enjoy it while it lasts. Just do yourself a favor and admit you’ve got some serious daddy issues, and deal with them before this kind of ridiculousness becomes a pattern.

Oh Coquette. I feel so ill-equipped for monogamy. I’m four years into a relationship I won’t end until I’m certain he won’t be alone and that day may never come. Meanwhile I fantasize about falling in love with other men, pursuing those romances in a real way. It’s all fun and games until the most compelling of all my fantasies started expressing his own matching feelings.

I don’t want to turn our lives upside-down. My mantra is a litany of reasons why not. And still my mind keeps turning and my pussy keeps aching for this other man. I’m in my current dissatisfied relationship because of similar short-sightedness in the past. I don’t want to be a sociopath. Lay it on me Coquette.

You’re not a sociopath. You’re just a whiny, self-absorbed little drama queen.

If you’re ill-equipped for monogamy, then open up your relationship. If you’re not cool enough to do that, then either break up with your current boyfriend or shut the fuck up and be content with the dude you settled for.

Whatever you do, quit being so weak. You’re wasting your life not doing what makes you happy, and you’re wasting everybody’s time hemming and hawing over what makes your stupid pussy ache.

I know you’re in a rough spot, but I want you to post so badly. I’m real bummed these days and it usually makes me feel better to read your stuff… anyway, hope you’re doing all right.

I’m okay. I’m just involved in some legal proceedings on a personal matter, and the situation is taking up the majority of my emotional and mental energy.

Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.

“I’m not burnt out. I’m burnt down. There’s a difference.”

What’s the difference?

Burnt out is a problem that comes from the inside when you run out of whatever fuels you. Burnt down is a problem that comes from the outside when the world around you is a smoldering pile of shit.