i have large labia. but only on one side, the other looks perfectly nice. what’s wrong with my vagina. it’s putting me off having sex with my boyfriend.

I’m just imagining your gynecologist as that small town doctor from Forrest Gump. “Well my dear, your vagina is strong, but your labia is as crooked as a politician! We’re gon’ fit you with a set of these here pussy braces and fix you right up.”

Seriously, though. You’re fine. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your shit’s just a little lopsided is all. It’s really no big deal, and I promise your boyfriend won’t care.

If it really bothers you, there’s always labiaplasty.

sex on e? i heard you’re not supposed to fuck when you’re rolling. the one time i tried to do it the guy couldn’t even get it up. you’re opinion please.

Ecstasy is a sensual drug, not a sexual drug. By itself, it has a tendency to delay orgasm in women, and it makes it damn near impossible for guys to get it up. You can make out all night like teenagers in love, but there won’t be much fucking if you don’t plan ahead.

If you know you want to fuck, the trick is have your man pop a viagra when he drops the ex. That’s a recipe for mind-blowing all-night-long sex. Just be sure to stay hydrated, and use plenty of lube.

My boyfriend cooks… Lovely.
My boyfriend cleans… Handy.
My boyfriend watches Real Housewives… Uhm.
My boyfriend has a Twilight poster… IS HE GAY?

Probably not.

Although I’m willing to bet he was raised by a single mom.

A long time ago I needed cash. A guy paid me to do some foot fetish stuff for him on camera. Kinky, bdsm related. No sex or nudity. Under a fake name. Kind of…silly. It didn’t turn me on but it didn’t particularly bother me either. I had no regrets until I found out the guy is selling and distributing the footage (ha) on the internet.

Now. I know this is illegal because I never signed a contract, but at the same time I can’t afford a lawyer to sort shit out. I also know I was pretty naive to let someone videotape me in the first place. But I was young and the internet hadn’t exploded yet. I have forgiven myself.

What I can’t get over is how bad I look in the video. I mean, chubby and shapeless and pale and unkempt. I’ve since lost weight, only to reveal a set of impeccable cheekbones and a pretty cute torso. But the old images haunt me.

As I’m sure happens to most people with embarrassing, incriminating photos, I have panicked about the Worst Case Scenario. Honestly, if someone I knew discovered this, I can see myself defending my choice to be in the damn thing, but I can’t defend how shitty I used to look. And for the whole world to see!

What he’s doing isn’t illegal. Contract or not, he paid you. It’s work-for-hire, and it’s implicit that he owns all rights to the work.

Since there’s no sex or nudity, he’s not bound by the 2257 record keeping requirements, so you can’t even challenge his paperwork. Ironically, if you had fucked him on camera, you’d be able to go after him for violation of Title 18.

You made a shitty decision, and these are the consequences.

Lesson learned.

I have girlfriend for six years and I am 21 btw. The thing is I think we don’t have a lot of common interests. I want to break up. The problem is, Ma’am, she loves me so much and wants to marry with me one day. I don’t want to marry with her and also I don’t want her to waste her time with me. When I try to explain myself about this situation she starts to cry hard and because I don’t want to depress her more, I stop talking. I know that if I keep postponing this marriage conversation, I’ll depress her more. What should I do?

You were a child when you met this girl. Now it’s time to be a fucking man. Break up with her! Show her some mercy by making it clean and quick, but definitely end it.

Who cares if she’s gonna cry? Do you think a few tears are worth a lifetime in a loveless marriage? Six years is a good run, but it’s time to move on.

Also, I’m sure in whatever country you’re from it’s respectful to say “Ma’am.”

Here it’s just creepy.

So I am writing you from bed. It is almost 3 pm, I didn’t go to sleep until 9 am, and had the most fun coked out night with my girlfriends. But my question is this, I hate being so useless the next day. Is this a sign of bad coke, doing too much, or just being a pussy and not wanting to get out of bed? What are your routines or advice for the day after an amazing night (and morning)? love your writing. we need more powerful and spicy women in the world like you.
xoCat

Wait. Cat? Is that you? When did you start reading my blog, girl? Trippy.

First of all, it wasn’t bad coke. It was really good coke. And yes, considering you weigh ninety pounds wet, just by keeping up you probably do too much.

For what it’s worth, I’m still in bed too. I finally got to sleep around nine as well, and I was so fucked up that I woke up high this morning. Still high, actually.

As for routines, I’ll start with a good half hour of mirror steaming massaging shower head me-time followed by a terry cloth robe the size of Montana.

Then I’ll go through my phone and assess the damage from last night. This might lead to trouble, because I’ll be willing to trade a garbage bag full of blowjobs if one of my boys will come over and give me a foot rub.

Odds are that I’ll settle for ordering Pink Dot and reorganizing the contents of my bathroom drawers so I at least felt like I did something with my day.

Take it easy, sister.

How do you disguise this coketalk dimension of yourself, while at your ‘day job’?

Dude, that’s like asking how I keep from masturbating at the airport. It’s a little thing called self control. That, and I can keep a fucking secret or two.

Should I be worried if my bisexual boyfriend is going to gay bars with his friends? It never used to bother me that he likes to drink and flirt with cute boys because honestly I enjoy doing the same thing. But lately I am starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t take this so lightly. What do you think?

Um, what do you want me to tell you? If you sign up for a bisexual boyfriend, those are the breaks.

It sounds like he may be a four on the Kinsey scale, and you’d prefer that he ratchet it back down to a two. Not much you can do but cock block and hope it’s a phase.

Don’t kid yourself, though. I’d say right now you’re just a goatee, but watch out. Before you know it, you’ll be a full blown beard.