When discussing oral sex, my boyfriend expresses open disgust at going down on a woman who isn’t clean and hair-free “down there” (His words, not mine). I have no problem with this seeing as I regularly get it waxed and have done so before meeting him. Anyway, he refuses to go down on me unless I’m “clean” which I completely understand and have no problem with. However, when I tell him he isn’t getting head unless he’s hair-free, he says he “doesn’t get it”, and I should give him head anyway. When I say the same thing back to him he gets angry. Is it just me, or is he exercising some royally fucked up double standard that isn’t cool at all?

Your boyfriend turns up his nose at a little salty pussy, and he’s too delicate to take a razor to his balls. He’s a real manly man, huh?

There is no double standard here. Nobody likes to floss with pubic hair, and of all the things guys do for a blowjob, a little personal grooming isn’t too much to ask for.

Your boyfriend is being a spoiled little bitch, and it sounds like he’s got a sense of entitlement when it comes to oral sex.

Never put up with anyone who tells you that you “should” do something in bed that you don’t want to do.

If he doesn’t shave, don’t suck his dick. When he whines like a little girl, shut him up by sitting on his fucking face.

My friend and I finally have an acid hook up, but I’m really nervous about it. I’ve tried robotripping which has been good, but i imagine this shit will be really intense, and I don’t want some 12 hour panic attack. So, to drop or not to drop?

Your only frame of reference for LSD is fucking cough syrup, so yeah. What do you want me to say?

I’m not going to make this decision for you. No one else should either.

I will say that with LSD, the best way to end up with a twelve hour panic attack is to expect a twelve hour panic attack. Being in a good state of mind is key, so whatever you do, chill the fuck out.

You may want to consider asking yourself what you want to get out of it. You have the opportunity to expand your mind a bit, or you have the opportunity to giggle at MTV for a few hours. Don’t waste it.

Do a little spring cleaning in your head before you drop. Read some poetry or listen to some classical music. Consider it the equivalent of stretching before a workout.

You don’t have to be serious, but take LSD seriously. Especially at first.

I never have sex with my girlfriend because the things I want to do in bed are things that would make her break up with me. I don’t think she’s into Sasha Grey type porn, and I don’t want the police called on me for trying to find out.

Um, did you ever consider sitting down with your girlfriend and, you know… talking to her?

Use your words, big guy. Don’t assume that she’s not into Sasha Grey type porn, but then again don’t start spitting in her mouth and throwing lit matches on her without a little pre-game pow-wow.

Give her a heads up, get her permission, and pick a safe word.

If she’s not down, at least your break-up won’t involve law enforcement.

I don’t have orgasms when I have sex. I’m honestly not that worried about it because I have a pretty damn good time regardless, but the guy I’m screwing right now has told me I am one of two girls he has ever slept with that couldn’t have one. First off, I really don’t believe this and I think he has just been fooled by a good fake orgasm one too many times. But still, it gets really annoying when he says shit like that like there is something wrong with me so what kind of sarcastic and on point comments do you advise using when shit like this comes up?

If you want to crush his ego, fake an orgasm. When he acts all pleased, tell him you faked it and that he’s one of two guys you’ve ever slept with that couldn’t tell.

Have you ever fucked a girl? And if so, are you bisexual, or just open in bed? Because I’ve always been interested in having a threesome, or foursome, or however many, but I’m not bisexual. Thoughts? Concerns?

The word fuck doesn’t seem right, but yes, I’ve embraced my bisexuality and had plenty of sex with women. I don’t label myself bi, but that’s because I have a problem with labels, not my sexuality.

Interestingly, almost all of my girl-girl experiences have been in the kind of multiple-partner scenarios that seem to have piqued your curiosity.

I’ve gone down on a number of girls who, like you, would never consider themselves bisexual. So really, when I hear the phrase, “I’m not bisexual,” I find that it could mean a number of things.

Sometimes it means that you don’t find women sexually attractive and you never will. That’s perfectly fine. Some folks really are a zero on the Kinsey Scale, and if that’s you, it shouldn’t have any effect on your ability to enjoy threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes other than having fewer people to fuck at any given moment.

Sometimes, “I’m not bisexual” means that you haven’t yet fully processed your sexuality, and regardless of any curiosity or latent tendencies you may have, there’s still a bit too much shame in your standard American upbringing to acknowledge the possibility of hitting a one or a two on the Kinsey Scale.

Sometimes, “I’m not bisexual” is just pure fucking denial, whether deliberate or unconscious. This probably doesn’t apply to you, but I’ve come across it before (usually from a girl who later confesses that she couldn’t wait to get me naked, but she didn’t want her boyfriend to think that she was a lesbian. Sad, but true.)

Either way, “I’m not bisexual” is such a self limiting phrase. It puts you in a box.

Instead, try the phrase, “I haven’t found myself sexually attracted to women so far.” It’s a much more open way to approach your sexuality as you start exploring, and if you never get turned on by a girl, that’s fine. At least you’ll know you weren’t closed off to the possibility.

As I imagine you’ve seen / fondled / stroked / inhaled / fucked your fair share of cocks, I turn to you for the truth. Mine measures 7” long by 5.75” in circumference. How do I measure up?

Thank you.

Unbelievable.

The entirety of your male ego — every male ego — is a house of cards built on a fault line of mere inches.

How do you measure up? Fuck you for asking, that’s how you measure up. I should ridicule your penis size on general principle, but that would be unfair to all my male readers out there with rulers and the good sense not to ask a woman such an incredibly stupid question.

Seven inches is plenty good, guys. Big. Not the biggest, but a damn fine showing. No one’s ever gonna complain.

Honestly, though. There are so many more interesting ways for you not to measure up as a man. Why’s it always gotta come down to this?

I’m in college, haven’t had an orgasm yet, and want to get a vibrator so I can work on fixing that. Tips on choosing one? Brands, styles, how do I know I’m paying a reasonable price for reasonable quality?

I could ramble on about shopping for sex toys, but it sounds like you want to get down to the nitty gritty.

All you need to do is visit freddyandeddy.com. Look no further than their section dedicated to vibrator reviews.

The site is run by two friends of mine, a couple named Ian and Alicia. They’re two of the loveliest people you could ever meet, and I’ve been a loyal customer of theirs for years.

They’re like the Consumer Reports of sex toys. They’ve plowed through mountains of adult products to find the very best stuff. They try everything out themselves and write detailed, informative reviews so you really know what you’re buying.

They refuse to sell cheaply made crap, so regardless of the cost, anything you buy from them is going to be quality.

Don’t be afraid to give them a call. Just ask for Alicia, and feel free to let her know what you’re looking for and why. I promise she’ll prove more helpful than you could possibly imagine.

Best of luck with that orgasm!