So I always thought I was pretty open when it comes to sex, I’ve always been able to tell whoever I’m fucking how I like it and what I want.

However I’ve been with this amazing guy for four months and he told me he thinks I’m closed off about sex. I was pretty bummed out that he thinks of me like that, as I’ve always been proud of myself as someone who’s proud of her sexuality and needs. The thing is, he does everything I like and more, so I don’t feel the need to start talking when we’re fucking. Do you think this is his way of getting me to talk dirty? If so, how do I introduce that into a relationship when I’ve not done it for four months?

Also do you think I’m trying to act like a ‘lady’ by not talking dirty because I really like him?

His remark strikes me as a bit of unconscious manipulation. He was feeling threatened by the power balance in the relationship, and his ego reached out and gave you a little passive aggressive bitch slap.

This isn’t a bad thing. It most likely means he’s got legitimate feelings for you, and this is his clumsy way of exerting control over the situation. It’s not just that he wants you to talk dirty. He wants you to obey him by talking dirty. It’s a dominance thing, but not in an unhealthy way.

Also, yes. You are definitely holding back with this guy because you really like him. There’s a difference between being ladylike in bed and being sexually submissive. One is passive. One is active. He just wants you to be more active.

That all being said, don’t overthink this one. There’s really not even a problem here. Next time you’re fucking, just let go. Show him some freak.

I promise, you’ll both have more fun.

My boyfriend and I have been happily together for 5 years. We’re in our early 30’s. I want kids one day and he doesn’t have that desire. He said maybe that could change down the line, but he doesn’t know. I’m curious about your take on this – Enjoy our kick ass relationship and hope / wait? Or break up with him and find a partner who wants kids?

Yeah. Tough spot.

Here’s the thing. Would he make a good father? If not, ditch him now and get it over with.

On the other hand, If he’s brimming with unrealized daddy potential, perhaps you should consider waiting a bit longer until you both hit the seven year itch in your relationship.

Things are good now. You’re not ready for kids yet, and there’s at least a chance that he’ll lose a few hairs, realize his age, and grow out of whatever extended urban adolescence is preventing him from wanting to enter a state of fatherhood.

Don’t count on it, though. When the seven year itch rolls around, there will be a natural phase when both of you start questioning what you want out of the relationship. If you don’t catch him wondering what it would be like to have a male heir, take the opportunity to move on.

You’ll be in your mid thirties — still young enough to go looking, but old enough for it not to seem conspicuous that kids are at the top of your to-do list.

My 32 year old friend just asked me how I would feel about him dating a 21 year old classmate. Keeping in mind that I’ve never met this person, I was honest with him and said that I think the age difference is too big. My opinion is that they are in two different chapters of their lives, not to mention there is a difference in maturity levels. Plus, I have a 20 year old sister and if she started dating someone 11 years old than her it would kind of weird me out. The conversation ended because he felt I wasn’t giving valid reasons for my opinion, which may be true, but I’m mostly going on a gut feeling here.

Part of me feels that if he thinks he needs to get my approval on this, then maybe he’s not really that comfortable with it in the first place. If he thinks it’s a good idea, then he would just do it and not try to get validation from others. Also, when a classmate asked him out last semester, he turned her down for the exact same reason— he felt like a 11 or 12 year age difference was too much and he would feel like a lech.

What’s your opinion on this?

Half your age* plus seven. It’s international fucking law.

He can date her in 2014.

*When doing the math, always use the person’s mental age, not their chronological age. A twenty-one year old with the mental age of a twenty-eight year old would have no problem dating a thirty-two year old. Similarly, two twenty-four year would find it tough to date each other if one of them is still mentally stuck in his or her teens.

I know I’m being a total skag for this, but was the professor you slept with married? Note to self: maybe don’t ask questions in the future that you acknowledge being an asshole for asking.

Still…

I don’t participate in infidelity. I won’t have anything to do with cheaters. No woman ever has to worry if I’m sleeping with her man behind her back.

Notice how carefully my words are chosen.

So, my tattoo artist has been wanting me to hangout with him lately. The other night he invited me out with him and his friends, everything went well. We ended up going afterwards to a bar and just talking, but well, one thing led to another and we ended up fucking.

I think I’m jumping ahead of myself, cause it’s only been like 2 days but I haven’t talked to him since then.

This hasn’t been the first time I’ve done something like this. What should I do? I feel like I fucked up really badly.

Yeah, this is like fucking your drug dealer. Awkward.

Shit happens, though. The best way to handle it is just to be adults. When it comes down to it, the professional relationship comes first.

Acknowledge that you had a fun night, but let him know it was a one time thing. Poke light fun about the inevitability of the awkwardness. Then, just fall back on the standard artist/client bond until the dust settles.